Since I couldn't make it out to church this past Sunday I grabbed my ipod and spent time listening to a message from Rob Bell titled "Praying With An Ache". In the sermon Rob said: "Often prayer is asking God about things." Not asking for things, but asking God about things.
This one sentance captured what my spiritual journey has been like for the past couple of months. To be honest, I've had a lot of questions. I've also had a lot of doubts. And to tell you the truth, even though I still don't have a lot of answers, I've come to the point of being okay with that.
Maybe I've just matured, but I've realized that I'm never going to know why God allows some things to happen. And in that goodness is found, because I don't think I'd want a God who I could understand.
Because if I could understand God, that would mean He isn't much bigger than I am. While part of me would love to know why certain things happen, the other part of me is relived that Someone who is so much bigger than me is in control.
If I were to be as big as God, I'd hate to think about what that would mean for the fate of this world. Even with the assistance of glasses, my eyes can only see so far. I may have two legs, but even they will only walk a fraction of the distance needed to cover the earth. My brain may be able to function properly, but even I have trouble keeping up with my own life, let alone the lives of billions of people worldwide. God is so much bigger and for that I am grateful.
That may mean that some of the big questions go unanswered, but I think I'd rather deal with that than the alternative. I think Jim Carrey's character in Bruce Almighty had it right when he realized that playing God wasn't such a good thing.
And so I'll question and when God answers, I'll rejoice. And when He doesn't, I will trust. But I won't stop asking. To quote again from Rob Bell:
"A Christian doesn’t avoid the questions; a Christian embraces them. In fact, to truly pursue the living God, we have to see the need for questions. Questions aren’t scary. What is scary is when people don’t have any. What is tragic is faith that has no room for them." (Velvet Elvis)