Kiva

I think I speak for most when I say that often we want to get involved and help those in crisis, but we don't know how. We watch the evening news and feel helpless. We know we want to do something, but don't know what.

We see poverty and other than writing a check, are very limited in our options. There's a solution, but we can't see how to be a part of it.

Recently I've been given a spark of hope. And that spark comes from an organization known as Kiva.

It's no secret that there are many in developing countries who have the skills needed to support their families through various jobs, but because they lack the start-up funds for businesses, they remain in poverty.

Take it from someone who has completed a lot of business courses- without start up capital, great ideas remain just that- ideas. But it doesn't have to be this way anymore, thanks to Kiva.

Through their organization, individuals such as you and me can actually play a part in funding a business on the other side of the world.

This is how it works: Kiva finds entrepreneurs in third world countries and assess the needs. They then petition us for loans for these businesses. Individuals work together to pledge the entire loan amount, then 100% of it is given to the entrepreneur.

Once they have the funds, they use it to buy supplies or get their businesses off the ground. Then over a period of time (some as short as six months), they repay the loan.

Then the lenders can either take that money back, or lend it to someone else who needs it.

In March I signed up and was able to loan money to a few individuals. Less than two months later part of this money has already been repaid! Money that I had all but forgotten about was able to help someone on the other side of the world who now, thanks to all of the loans given, has a sustainable source of income for themselves and their children.

What a revolutionary concept!

To see how you can give involved, please visit kiva.org

Life In Full

They say the older you get, the wiser you get. I'm not so sure if that statement applies to me. But I do know one thing- I'm not the same person that I used to be and it's a good thing.

Maybe it's the two years straight of one health crisis after another. Maybe it's those extra grey hairs. I don't know. But I do know that I like the new me.

I now like the fact that life isn't always figured out. That I can step forward not knowing where I may end up. That it's okay that a degree isn't finished in four years or five.

That it's completely acceptable to not know where I'll be in a year from now. That it's fun to do spontaneous things with no plan b's in place.

That it's not a waste of time to spend a day doing nothing and just being. That life isn't about the end of the road, but rather the journey that it took to get there.

I'm on that journey. We all are. Some days are high and others are low. But the highs and the lows have a few things in common.

That first of all, I'm not traveling without a Guide. And He's sent me such an amazing group of people to take the journey with.

If you're one of these people- I thank you. I don't measure the quality of my life anymore by how rested I feel or how many dollars are in the bank account. Rather I measure it by the people I'm surrounded with who have my back and I'm thankful that they are many.

Yes my memory is that of a 70 year old and most days I look like a zombie, but that really doesn't matter at the end of the day. And it won't really matter if this is something I'm going to have to deal with in the very long term. No matter what circumstances are like, no one can steal the life instead that God gives to all His children.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

And that life is good. And I'm so happy to be able to be living mine every day to the fullest.

A Heart That's Free

Here's something you may not have known about me: occasionally I have been known to dabble in poetry. I'm not saying I'm that great at it. And when I do write poems, I don't often share them. Maybe that's because the two times I did, it caused tears (I know what you're thinking- they must be pretty bad).

Anyways, not too long ago inspiration struck and I wrote this. I'm not claiming it's any good. But here is goes:

A Heart That's Free
She lays face down on the floor
Searching for hope but finding it no more
As images pass by on the evening news
She cries and questions what has gone askew?
"Why is peace so hard to find?
Whatever happened to that life-line?"

She looks up and sees a flickering light
A stark reflection in the dark of night
But the light seems too far out of reach
So far it's getting harder to see
"Is there no way to bridge the gap?" she cries
She's been in darkness so long she believes the lies.

But out from that darkness steps a man
And when He reaches the flame, He puts out His hand
Suddenly the spark bursts into consuming fire
And the flame burns up the muck and mire
With eyes of compassion He glances her way
While her heart's in her throat, she hears Him say:

"My child, why do you run? Why do you hide?
Why do you pretend it's alright inside?
Didn't you hear of my redeeming love?
Don't you know of the strength I send from above?
I died for your heart- to set it free
For here and now, not just eternity."

With shaky legs she starts to stand
She moves towards His outstretched hand
He looks at her and with love says:
"I love you my child, today and always
I'll always be here, I'll never leave your side
Walk with me and allow me to be your guide."

So with brittle faith and eyes that finally see
She gives her heart and is suddenly free.
Dancing through the fields of grace
Caught up in an amazing heavenly chase
A life surrendered she realizes is a beautiful thing
So she lets go and with her savior, her life sings.

Francois Fenelon

During some of my late night bore-me-to-tears hours I've been getting in a bit of reading. I finished John Grisham's first non-fiction piece titled "The Innocent Man"- great book. A must read for anyone interested in the legal spectrum.

Recently I started working through some material from Francois Fenelon, a French archbishop from the 17th century. Thankful his work has been translated. It is extremely profound.

A favorite quote on prayer:

“Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, it's pleasures, and it's pains, to a dear friend.

Tell him your troubles, that he may comfort you; tell him your joys, that he may sober them; tell him your longings, that he may purify them; tell him your dislikes, that he may help you conquer them; talk to him of your temptations, that he may shield you from them; show him the wounds of your heart, that he may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others.

If you thus pour out your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back, neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of their heart, without consideration they say just what they think. Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God.”

I'm looking forward to digging deeper into his writing. And as I do I'm sure there will be more quotes to share :)

Book Signing!

This Friday, March 30th, I will be at Harmony House in the Porcupine Mall for a book signing!

They've invited me to come out as part of the 72 Hour Sale and sign copies of my book, Walking Through A Fallen World.

If you live in the Timmins/South Porcupine area, it would be great to see you out there! And if don't, but know people in the area, please let them know about the event.

Hope to see you there!

X & Y Theory

This weekend I listened in on the church service at Mars Hill and was thoroughly blessed by Rob Bell's teaching.

He spoke about how we tend to look at our lives like an x and y graph. Meaning if we do one thing on the x axis, then something automatically happens on the y. One example being take care of yourself well (x) and as a result you'll never sit in a doctor's office and hear the word cancer (y). Which couldn't be further from the truth. He went on to say:

"The truth is, it's a lie because it doesn't always go that way... People's ideas of God can be so unbelievably warped. The ultimate lie: well if you do a, b, and c, well then of course God will do a, b, and c and you'll be fine. All you have to do is simply trust Jesus and then you won't have to go through any heartache cause He wants you happy and wealthy.

These lies are deep within us that this is how the world works. And it simply doesn't. If you just lead the people and do as God says you'll get into the promised land. No it doesn't work that way."

It was something I really needed to hear. To be honest I've been struggling with the x & y mentality lately. Over the past few months as many of you know, I've been struggling a lot with my sleep. While part of this is due to sleep apnea, there's also a bigger problem going on with insomnia and restlessness. I've only averaged about 3-4 hours a night for months and besides being dead-tired, I've been getting discouraged.

And somewhere along the way, I got into the mindset that if only I imputed enough x's, then my y (good sleep and rest) would come. So instead of just doing my normal duties, I pushed myself above and beyond that. All the while thinking that it won't be long before I feel better.

Well many doctors appointments, prayer meetings, medical treatments, and every possible sleep trick imagined later, I'm still in the same boat I was before. And while I'm in this place, I'm still trying to move forward and "lead the people" so to speak. I'm still keeping up my ministry involvement. I'm still trying to do the things that I committed to. I'm still pushing forward in my school.

And those x's have certainly not resulted in giving me a y.

But here is where the true journey of faith lies. Faith happens when we still do the x's with no expectations of the y's. True faith is accepting this journey we're on- a journey with no guarantees. One where even God's children are fighting the good fight, in the midst of life's difficulties. One where those difficulties are a big part of the journey and could very well be just something that God wants us to work through for a while. A journey that is a lot closer to what we see in the Bible than the x & y theory is.

For me, my journey has been accepting that the y may take a while longer or may never come. And in that, still continuing to press on. Not because I expect something in return. But because I love my savior, desire to serve Him, and trust Him to take care of the rest in His timing, not mine.

For you, it may be something different. But we're all on this journey together. And on this beautiful journey of faith we discover that God wasn't necessarily who we thought He was. But that's okay. Because we know He's trustworthy and we know that He loves us dearly.

Oh what a mighty God we serve!

Recommendations anyone?

I've been given a membership to zip.ca- a movie rental service where you pick which DVD's you want and they send you a few at a time. While this is great to keep me company at night when my insomnia kicks in, it presents a dilemma- what DVD's to pick?

I've never had cable so I'm sure there are quite a few good shows out there that I've missed out on. I'm also not a huge movie goer, so I'm sure I've overlooked quite a few classics over the years.

Which brings me to ask for your help- any recommendations for good DVD's? It can be tv series on DVD, movies, biographies, etc. Zip has a huge archive and I'd like to make use of it while I have this membership!

Leave a comment with your recommendation!

What a weekend!

This weekend I went to the Christian ladies retreat being held at the Days Inn in Timmins. I was looking forward to this weekend and thought it would be a good opportunity, not only for spiritual growth, but to have little responsibilities or obligations for a weekend. I thought I was in for a nice weekend sitting in the background, just taking things in.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

It started Saturday morning when I was called up, in front of everyone, to give a brief talk on how my book came into being. For a seasoned speaker, this may not be a big deal, but I'm not one comfortable with big crowds and I don't like drawing attention, so as I was walking up to the front I was very hesitant. Also adding to the worry is the fact that my memory is so poor because of my sleeping problem- I was afraid to get details mixed up. But God was with me and He was my strength. The minute the microphone was handed over He took over and it literally felt like it wasn't me up there.

Saturday afternoon rolls around and it was time for my one commitment of the weekend- giving a brief talk to the teens during a workshop. I was excited to do this and totally ready to go, when just as I was walking through the door to the workshop room I was stopped by a reporter who was there to cover the retreat. She had heard about my book and wanted an interview. So while my sister pulled off remarkable stalling tactics, I was interviewed by one newspaper (you can read the story here).

Just as that interview was wrapping up, another reporter walks by and the girl that was interviewing me called her over and before you know it, interview number two is happening.

I know it sounds funny considering I'm in radio, but I've never been comfortable talking with the media. Maybe it's just a self-conscious thing, but it's not something I'm used to or trying to embrace, but again, this was such a God thing. He totally stepped in and gave me wisdom and grace when it was needed and I'm really getting feedback (and book orders) from the one article that was put out in today's paper.

So back to the story, just as the two people from the papers are getting me to pose in the hallway for pictures, my sister walks out, wondering what in the world happened to me. After a good laugh watching me having to pose while people are walking by wondering what the heck is going on, she pulls me into the workshop for my talk and I thought it was all over with.

Well, I was followed into the room by a photographer and while I'm talking she's snapping away and I can see the looks on the teens faces thinking "what in the world is going on?" I recognize the look so well because I'm sure it's the same expression that was on my face.

But the workshop went great and was well received. Afterwards I stood at the back and spend time praying for the girls while my sister did her talk and the things that God did in the lives of the girls in the room was incredible.

The doors that God opened up during the weekend was also incredible. I spoke with many women and teens who were very interested in Walking Through A Fallen World and planned on ordering copies at home. I also was blessed to make some connections with people who have similar goals, dreams, and ideas and I could definitely see the hand of God in the networking that was happening.

I can also see the hand of God when I look back and see an idea that was placed in my heart when I was a child and that was encouraged when I was at the retreat two years ago, has now come into being. And the best part of it is: it has nothing to do with me. I could have never orchrasted any of this. It's all for Him, by Him, and about Him.

I'm just living my life trying to be obedient and not get in the way. Praise God for using the foolish things of this world...

Pointing in the mirror

“If Christians had given the traditional 10 percent tithe of their income to their churches in 2004, instead of the 2.56 percent that they actually gave, there would have been an additional $164 billion available, according to a report released in October called “The State of Church Giving through 2004.” If the churches chose to funnel just $70-$80 billion of that additional income to missions and humanitarian works, the basic needs of every person on the globe would be provided.”

That quote was published in a recent Relevant Magazine and it is pretty shocking. It's also a good thing to keep in mind when we look at situations, such as what is happening in Africa and ask "why God?"

I really believe that God doesn't make hunger disappear in an instant because He wants us to do something about it. That quote from Relevant is a perfect example of what could happen if every person who considers themselves a Christian would give back to God a portion of what He has given them.

Unfortunately all too often we don't and then point fingers instead at governments and agencies instead of pointing a finger in the right direction: towards a mirror.

Maybe that sounds a little harsh and kind of unrealistic. But I'm no fool- I know that as long as we're living in a fallen world, the problems that exist out there will never cease to exist. But just because we will never be able to alleviate the suffering of everyone, doesn't mean we can't alleviate the suffering of even just one.

Something to think about and more importantly, do something about...

Sample Chapter

For those of you who haven't had a chance to read Walking Through A Fallen World yet, there is a sample chapter available for download on my website.

The sample chapter given out free is chapter five in the book and the title of it is "I Don't Like This- Should I?". The focus of the chapter is our perspective and how often a shift in perspective can really change the way we view the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Enjoy.

What's been happening...

So it's been almost a week since I've been finished my exams and I'm enjoying the break. I've spent the last week getting started with my new job (commercial script writer for LIFE 100.3!) and getting set up for the new semester.

It's crazy how much life in change in such a short amount of time. If someone had told me even a year ago that I would be working in Christian radio now, I would have called them crazy. It was always in my mind that I would finish my degree and find a job at a station somewhere after graduation, but God has had different plans for my life.

So until He leads me elsewhere, I will be working part-time writing commercials for LIFE, writing the script for CT-20, and spend the rest of my days working at my degree all from the comfort (and lack of expense) of my own home. And after-hours I'm still free to work on MAD, book stuff, College and Careers, etc.

I'm just so thankful for the way this has all been orchrastrated- God has allowed me to be a part of what He is doing here in Timmins, while using the gifts He's given me to reach out in other places as well thanks to technology. He is so good and I am thankful to have a small part in His big plan!

Thank You

I haven't had a lot of time to post blogs lately between studying for exams and medical appointments to get set up for treatment for the sleep apnea, but I just wanted to take a quick second to thank you all for your support with my book.

It hasn't even been out for a month yet and I'm overwhelmed by the response! This has been a dream of mine for such a long time and I'm grateful that I get to share that dream with so many good friends.

Store launched!

The online store for my book has been launched on my website. Click the banner below to be taken there.

After figuring things out, the book will be sold there for $12.99 Canadian, which includes free shipping to Canada and the United States. If you're looking to have your book signed by me, this is the best option to go, unless you purchase somewhere else and get me to sign it the next time you see me.

Thanks in advance for all of your support in this! It means a lot to me that I have so many people behind me in this dream!

Look Mom! I'm on Amazon!

Today my book was posted on Amazon for purchase! Tonight when I did I search for my name on amazon.com and the book came up, I was almost overcome with emotion. This makes it so real to me! I'm a published author- kind of crazy isn't it?

If you wanted to purchase the book on amazon, the links are below. If you wanted to purchase it directly from me, within the next few days I will have an online store set up where you can do so. And some of you have asked whether or not signed copies of the book will be available. The answer is yes. If you really want to receive a signed copy (although I have no idea why), I will do it. But you will have to order it from my website (www.kristenmcnulty.com) or buy it somewhere else and get me to scribble on it the next time you see me.

Happy reading!

Buy from amazon.ca (Canada)
Buy from amazon.com (United States)

Christmas Movies & Memories

I love Christmas. When I was a kid, I'll admit a big part of my love for Christmas came from the whole gift getting thing. But I've grown up. Yes, I still love getting gifts. But I also love giving gifts. I love spending time with people. And I love reflecting on what Christmas means, really means.

One of my favorite things about Christmas is our family traditions. And one of my favorite family traditions is watching Christmas movies together. Laughing at all the same parts and later quoting lines from the movies as similar things take place in our celebrations. My favorite Christmas movies are (in no particular order):

-A Muppet Family Christmas
-Elf
-Ernest Saves Christmas
-To Grandmother's House We Go
-Griswold Christmas Vacation

Now I don't love these movies because of their artist flare or their snappy humor (because to be honest, some of them are kind of cheesy). I love them because they mean something to me. When I watch To Grandmother's House We Go it brings me back to when I was very young and we would watch this movie with my grandmother because she thought the Olsen kids were so cute. And then after the movie was done everyone would talk about how much I used to look like them when I was around 4 years of age (yes, times have changed!). When I watch the Griswold Christmas Vacation I'm taken back to Christmas' past when our family was lovingly referred to as the Griswold's because we always seemed to have one disaster after another, but in the middle of it a lot of holiday cheer.

Yes the movies are funny- I'll always laugh when the squirrel jumps out of the Griswold's tree or when the Muppets all experience the same icy patch, but even more important than that- these movies have a lot of meaning and memories surrounding them. And those are very valuable things to have!

So Merry Christmas. I pray that you all have a wonderful holiday, remembering the real reason for the season and enjoying memory making time with family and friends! I'll leave you with a few of my favorite movie quotes:

Ernest Saves Christmas:
Santa Claus, aka 'Seth Applegate': This is Ernest. I'm Santa Claus.
[odd silence]
Ernest P. Worell: Surprised?
Harmony Star: Uh, no. No, not - not really

Harmony Star: There's no such thing! Think about it: a guy who flies around the whole world in one night. It just doesn't quite correspond to the laws of time and travel.
Ernest P. Worell: Now, now, now, now, now, it's possible. You take the International Date Line, multiply it by the Time Zones, divided by the accelerated rotation of the earth... uh, carry the 1, and, uh, allowing for the Vernal Equinox on the Tropic of Cancer, he might just pull it off!

Ernest P. Worell: Ahh, smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your 'Channel' Number 5, just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine. That symbol of brotherly love, that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can.

Elf:
Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

Buddy: What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?

Griswold Christmas Vacation:
Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for ya? Get ya something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere..leave you for dead?
Cousin Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

Muppets Family Christmas:
Turkey: Where's my room?
Gonzo: If you're not careful, it'll be in the oven. See you at dinner.

Fozzie Bear: Are you ready to listen to me?
Kermit: I'm all ears.
Fozzie Bear: What does he mean he's all ears? Frogs don't even have ears!

Blessings In Disguise

Last night I went to bed ultra-annoyed. I'm sick with a cold that I can't shake and wouldn't you know it, but over the past week I've had a case of insomnia on top of the apnea. Which for me has meant being dead tired all day, then coming to life at about 11:00 and parking myself in front of the TV watching re-runs until some ungodly hour when I can fall asleep, then going into my sleep apnea state.

To put it mildly I was annoyed by the inconvenience. I know how much school work I still have to finish before Christmas and I know that my cold wasn't going to be leaving without some rest, which I also know I'm not getting.

But this morning I woke up with a different perspective. As I stumbled out of my room I saw breakfast laid out for me on the table with an extra-large double double. But more than food and an injection of caffeine, I saw love. I saw that I'm not alone in my struggles and that I'm going to get through this in one piece.

God will provide for me as He always has and He will give me the strength I need to push through every day until I am better. And in the meantime I have a roof over my head, a wonderful family who cares, and more blessings that I deserve. Sleep apnea may rob me of my rest, but it can't rob me of that!

The Question of Christmas

My article The Question of Christmas has been put up on Relevant Magazine's website. Check it out!

First Interview

My first interview for the book has been posted on Infuze Magazine. Please check it out and leave your comments either on their site or right here!

Sleep issue has sleep name

So a few weeks ago I went to the sleep clinic and today I got my results. As crazy as it sounds I found out that I have sleep apnea. Basically what sleep apnea means is that throughout the night you stop breathing and in order to start breathing again, you wake up and then sleep until it happens again and again. For most people who have disease they do not remember waking up during the night- I am one of these people.

Sleep apnea is fairly common, but I am one of the unfortunate few who have a severe case of it. During the 74 minutes (they recorded it, not me) that I slept during my night at the sleep clinic I stopped breathing for ten seconds or longer a total of twenty-three times! I write these words and I still have trouble believing or understanding it. I'm told this means on an average night I stop breathing for ten seconds or longer over a hundred times.

This comes as a shock to me. I mean I know that I've been very tired over these past couple of months and that it's gotten to the point where I have a hard time functioning throughout the day, but to think that I've gone from sleeping fine a year ago to being diagnosed with severe sleep apnea is crazy. I'm 23 years old- this shouldn't be happening. But it is.

The only thing that they've come up with to explain why the sudden change and the severe case is that the tendency to have a problem was there, but it developed as severe and as rapidly as it did because of the trauma to my body with the surgeries, blood clot, infection, etc. That's a pretty steep side effect for something I thought was behind me.

So where does that leave me? To be honest a little discouraged. I don't question why this is happening to me or blame God for it. I'm way past that point. He's done a lot of amazing things in my life, so I'm not going to start complaining when a few bad things happen. But at the same time the reality of this is not too great. The long term health complications are scary without treatment and the idea of sleeping hooked up to a machine every night for the rest of my life isn't too thrilling either. But I don't really have much of a choice.

So on January 5th I will be going back to the sleep clinic to get tested out for one of those machines and until then I'll just have to suck it up and come to terms with this and figure out exactly what changes are going to have to be made in order to accommodate for this illness. Because something has to give, I'm just not sure what that is yet.

It's not the worst thing that could happen. But I would still appreciate prayers for rest cause I need it now more than ever.

Book Update: lots happening this week

This week I took my last look over the edited manuscript and now it is in the process of being sent to the printers!

While reading over the book I kept having the thought "did I write that?" come to me. Not because the publisher made a lot of changes, but rather because I can see the hand of God on every page and I pray that very hand of God touches everyone who reads it!

The final endorsement just came in- check it out at the myspace for the book: www.myspace.com/wtafw. Shameless plug: if you're on myspace please add that site to your friends list and pass the word on! Thanks!

This week I also had my very first interview for the book- great questions from him, silly answers from me. Sounds about right!