Growing A Healthy Church

This weekend I'm pumped to be attending a "Growing A Healthy Church" seminar that's being held at our church.

I've heard nothing but good things about this course and even though I'm no pastor or church planter, I'm hoping to learn lots that can help me with leading College and Careers and hopefully in other ministry areas as well.

Speaking of ministry, I got some pretty amazing news yesterday. Supposedly some Wal-Mart stores in the US are now carrying my book! I don't know how many stores have it in stock or if it's selling, but that doesn't really matter. I'm just thrilled to know that such a big chain of stores somehow got a hold of something I wrote. And through the grace of God, maybe just one life can be changed.

Stranger things have happened.

Saying "no"

Today I said no to something that I was asked to do and I can't tell you how good it feels. By nature I'm somewhat of a people pleaser (which I think deep down most of us are). So when I get asked to do things, I have a really hard time saying 'no'.

Over the years, I've gotten better at this, but I still find it difficult sometimes when I'm asked. Mostly because most of the requests I get are for good things. Great things even. But sometimes a good thing can turn into a bad thing if you're not the right person for the job or you're over-committed as it is.

So I said no. I explained that I've got a job that I love that is my focus. Ministries that are my passion. And family and friends who I'd like to spend more time with, not less.

It felt good to have the freedom to say no. I wish I could have learned this very important lesson years ago- it would have made life a whole lot less complicated.

NCAA March Madness

I don't really know very much about college basketball. If I had cable, I'd probably watch it. But I don't, so my knowledge is pretty limited.

But still something about March Madness draws me in year after year. I keep track of teams that I can't recall the names of at any other time of the year. I check stats. I watch the highlights online. And I do this all because of some genius idea: brackets.

Every year with my limited knowledge I take a random shot in the dark and pick my bracket (basically you call which teams are going to win and advance). Then I have fun watching "my teams" and seeing which ones advance.

There's probably better things I can do with my time, but I really enjoy it. And there are prizes which makes it all the sweeter. Two years ago I nearly won an awesome prize pack, but lost on the tie-breaker question.

So my bracket has been entered and until the tournament is over I'll be checking the scores and keeping track of the games. At last check I'm 11 for 13, so we'll see how well this year goes.

On A Hill Too Far Away

With the Easter season upon us, I have been re-reading parts of one of my favorite books "On A Hill Too Far Away" by John Fischer.

If you haven't read it yet, I can't recommend it enough. I'm not one to write in the margins of books, but this one had so much meat in it that I couldn't not jot down thoughts and underline paragraphs.

One quote that has really struck me today:

"Sin is what prevents even the most well-meaning of us from completely conquering the evil in our hearts. We may climb the highest mountain and yet descend to the lowest form of greed. We may find a cure for AIDS and yet be powerless against the bigotry, prejudice, and self-righteousness that festers in the hearts of gays and straights alike. We may give much of what we have to feed the poor but not be able to come up with even a morsel for the hunger in our own souls. We are a study in contrasts. We all ate of the fruit. We are filled with the knowledge of both good and evil at the same time, and we cannot always choose correctly. Something went wrong. The cross tells us that. If something hadn't gone wrong, we wouldn't need a cross." (On A Hill Too Far Away, p. 67)

The truth is no matter how hard we try, we'll never "arrive". Which is why the blood of Christ is vital and His grace is needed to carry us through each day. There truly is wonderful power in the blood.

Hound of Heaven

"As for me, I look to the Lord for his help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord Himself will be my light." (Micah 7:7-8)

Those verses have been the cry of my heart for the past couple of months because of a certain situation that I've been watching unfold. And while for a long time it seemed like the situation was covered in darkness, I am now seeing cracks of light break through into the darkness.

So I wait in faith and I trust that one day very soon the darkness that fell like a blanket will disappear completely. Not because of anything I've said or done. But because while an army of believers have been on their knees praying, the hound of Heaven has been leaving the 99 to pursue the one who is lost.

And I trust that one day soon that lost sheep is going to be found.

MAD Media & Design

For the past couple of years I've learned quite a bit about creating websites. And what started off as a hobby has really taken off.

I designed a site for the MAD Christian Radio Show and from that two people saw it and asked me to make similar sites for them and it has kind of snowballed from there.

I'm currently maintaining 10 different websites and with the increased workload, I figured it was about time I set up a website for myself. After all, what looks worse than a web design business that doesn't have its own website?

So I've launched a site under the name "MAD Media & Design". MAD being in tribute to the MAD Christian Radio Show. You can check out the new site at www.madmediadesign.ca.

Longing

Today I felt a longing I haven't felt in months. I want to go back to school. I miss it.

I miss completing assignments. Learning all kinds of neat stuff. And being in that kind of environment.

Don't get me wrong- I love my job and I wouldn't stop it for anything. But if things were back to normal with my health, I could have the best of both worlds. Work on finish my schooling and work part-time, like I was doing before the summer. After all, the last time I checked there isn't a huge demand for people who have 3/4 of a degree.

Actually, maybe it isn't the school that I'm missing the most right now. Maybe what I'm missing most is what 'normal' used to be.

Getting up early. Driving my siblings to work. Picking up a cup of steaming hot coffee. Stopping in at the gym. Putting in a full day of school work and a couple hours of work work in the evenings. Going out with friends. Taking part in sports. Having hobbies. Experiencing restful nights and fruitful days.

Life has changed and with that change has come a 'new normal'. And maybe not having school is only a small part of the equation. Because the longer this goes on the more the 'new normal' starts to look just like the 'normal' and that can be a hard thing to swallow sometimes.

Is it wrong to so greatly desire something that you used to have? I don't know. But I do know that what I don't have here is temporary and truly, I could be a lot worse off. I know that and I'm grateful. I also know that those who are 'missing something' are often the ones who end up with the most in the end, just not in the ways they thought.

Tonight I'm comforted by the words of Rob Lacey as he interpreted the beatitudes:

"I'll tell you who'll laugh the last: the people who don't think to much of themselves, who know they're a mess- their ticket to heaven's already in the post (first class).

Who'll be happy? The people who know about grief, who don't shove the mess behind the sofa, but face it- God himself is going to put his arm around them.

Who'll be content? The modest, gentle types, who don't go round grabbing- they'll be given the world.

Who'll be laughing? The people who only want to do the right thing, like it's their food and drink- their 'good news in tray' will be piled high.

Who'll be laughing? The people who don't hold grudges, who forgive and forget- they'll get treated likewise.

Who's laughing, deep down, already? The people who aren't polluted with stuff that mugs the heart- they'll get to see God.

Who's laughing, deep down? The people who stop fights and start friends, who turn fists into high fives- they'll get known as God's children.

Who's laughing? The people who get slapped down for doing the right thing- they get given the security code to heaven's gates."

Things I Want To Do

When I was younger I made a list of things that I want to do while I'm alive. Over the years, I've been able to cross some items off my list. But I've also added more.

So here is my list. Any suggestions? What do you want to do throughout your lifetime?

Things I Want To Do
*items in bold have been crossed off. Although for most, I wouldn't mind doing them again :)

-Travel to: Chicago, Nashville, Colorado, California, Europe (Holland, Switzerland, Italy), Cayman Islands, Panama, Israel, East Coast of Canada, Washington DC, South Carolina
-Set foot on an aircraft carrier
-Go on a missions trip
-Get my boating licence
-Learn how to ride a horse
-Write a book
-Ride in a helicopter
-Take an extended road trip or train trip on my own
-See U2 in concert
-Work in Christian radio
-Go white water rafting
-Go to GMA Week
-See an NHL hockey game
-Be an extra in a movie/tv show
-See a baseball game at Wrigley Field
-Get a hole-in-one
-set foot in all of the Great Lakes
-Complete an Incredible Adventure
-Go whale watching
-Learn how to fly a plane
-Ride a camel
-Go rock climbing
-Learn how to take really good pictures
-Open my own business
-Drive a BMW
-See an article of mine in a big magazine
-See a musical
-Visit an art museum
-Drive a motorcycle
-Master digital video and audio editing

Paradox of Faith

Do you ever feel like faith can be a huge paradox sometimes? That's the way I feel right now. It's not that I don't trust God, it's just that I don't know how to act based on that trust.

I have been praying for something for over a year now. There is a situation that needs God's intervention but the people involved seem to be ignoring His leading every chance they get. So as a bystander who really cares about the people involved, what do I do?

Does moving towards acceptance mean that suddenly I'm more passive in my prayers? Or is there a way to to accept what's happening while still 'storming the gates of heaven' for change?

I'm not sure. As hard as I try, accepting the situation 'as is' seems all too close to giving up faith that it would change. But at the same time I don't want to live at odds with reality.

Thus the paradox.

Depressing Math

I was bored the other night and so I decided it would be 'fun' to figure out how much television I've watched over the past year. Big mistake.

It's not an exact number, but it's pretty close. With my insomnia being so bad, in the later hours of the night, I've turned to television. Because I have a hard time reading now (I have ADD like symptoms from sleep deprivation), I watch an average of four hours of TV a night. So...

4 hours x 365 days
=1460 hours of TV in one year

That's 60.8 days gone to TV in one year.

It's depressing. First off, because I've always been careful about limiting my TV consumption and can't stand wasting time. And secondly, because there are so many other things I'd rather be doing with my time. But at 3 am, there's not much else to do.

The only 'plus' to these stats, is that where the average person sleeps 8 hours a night, over the past year I slept around 3-4 hours a night (never thought I'd see that as a plus!). So in effect, I've substituted TV for sleep. Not intentionally, but it times out right.

And I wish I could say I see an easy solution of how to change this trend, but there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't focus on books. I can't go out and do something physical at that hour. And I'm not supposed to work or do other activities that could be seen as 'stimulating'.

So for now it's just me and my TV family* consisting of Jonas, Nora, Eric, Lucas, Barbara Jean, Harm, Don, Sydney, Emily, and Sophia.

*A prize for anyone who can guess at least 8 of the 10 references.

Ladies Retreat 08

So as mentioned in the previous post, this weekend was the ladies Christian retreat and as always, it was such a good weekend.

The topic that the speaker was speaking on was prayer. Not just surface "you should pray more" messages, but real talks about prayer. Its history, its place in our lives, and its power. I don't think I've ever heard a speaker be so real about the subject of prayer and the disappointments that can come when our prayers don't seem to be answered. Some interesting points brought up by the speaker:

-In the New Testament, prayer is spoken of more often than any other activity in the church.
-Just because you don't see an answer to your prayer, don't be fooled into thinking that there isn't one. Prayers are operative until the time is right and they are complete.
-God reveals Himself as He walks with us in the bitterness and pain of life. How do you ever know the God of Comfort if you've never shed a tear?
-a spiritual life is a lifelong process of opening ourselves to God. We need to make room for Him in our lives.

I walked away with a lot to chew on and I've been challenged to start making more room in my life for God. Even by taking more times of silence. Too often I think I cut the "listening" part of the relationship off and that's something that has to be changed.

On Saturday I ended up delivering the workshop to the teens and it went really well. A huge thanks to everyone who prayed, it was pretty amazing! Beforehand I was a little worried about my energy level for delivering such a workshop since I was pretty wiped out. And being "on my game" for an hour and a half straight hasn't happened in over a year. That was until Saturday.

A few minutes before the workshop started I felt pumped full of energy. If I were to ever down a Red Bull, I imagine it would feel something like what I felt on Saturday. I was able to thrive through the whole workshop and actually remember the points I was trying to make- bonus! And then after the last girl left the room it felt like I was a balloon that was starting to deflate.

While I was disappointed that the energy high didn't last, I was very thankful for it. I haven't felt that good in over a year and a half. So I know it came from God and I know that He gave it because He wanted to use what was said to reach the teens who showed up. And I'm just very thankful that I was able to be a small part of that.

So thank you for praying. While the speaker spoke all weekend on the power of it, I got to witness it firsthand on Saturday afternoon and it's something that I'm not going to forget, no matter how tired I get :)

Retreat

After nearly two months of getting ready for it, the Ladies Retreat is this weekend!

While twice over the past couple of years I gave a five minute talk to the teens, this year I'm going to be doing a complete workshop on Saturday afternoon. And I'm really looking forward to it.

It's called:

God Wants To Use You
Through Your Past, In Your Present, For Your Future

So if you could spare a prayer or two, I would really love to be covered in prayer for the workshop. Things you could pray for:

-that those who attend would be impacted by what we talk about
-that it would only be God speaking, not me
-and that God would give me strength and clarity. Because I'm so sleep deprived I sometimes struggle with expressing my thoughts clearly and my memory isn't the greatest. So I'm going to have to be counting on Him 110%. Which I guess is the way it should be after all!

I don't know how much blogging I'll have a chance to do over the weekend, but I promise a full report once the retreat is done.

Blessings.

Reaching Across The Globe

Ever since I've been quite young I've heard about the crisis' taking place around the world. For many years it seemed unimaginable to think that people exist who don't have clean drinking water or enough money to feed their children. And for far too long I turned a blind eye to the suffering because I couldn't figure out what I, a person living so far away from them, could do about it.

But a few years ago I was connected with an organization that could allow someone like me to actually make a difference. And that organization is Compassion International.

Through Compassion my family and I get to sponsor a six year old boy named Manuel who lives in Mexico. While $32 a month doesn't go that far here, for Manuel it has made the world of difference. It helps him and his family have what they need to survive and thrive. He can go to school. His medical needs are covered. And he gets the opportunity to learn about Jesus.

And Compassion has not only changed his life, it's changed mine too. A few months ago I received a letter from Manuel. Before the letter was over, he asked me "do you know that God died for you?"

That's a statement coming from a six year old child. A six year old child who probably find a long list of things to worry about. But his concern is that I know that God loves me so much that He died for me. God is doing something in that young child's life.

And He's doing something in mine. It usually takes a lot to move me to tears. But more than once I have cried after reading Manuel's letters. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, for the privilege of being connected to this young boy. It's been a life-changing experience to say the least.

Food for Thought

"We have put so much emphasis on avoiding evil that we have become virtually blind to the endless opportunities for doing good. We have defined holiness through what we separate ourselves from rather than what we give ourselves to. I am convinced the great tragedy is not the sins that we commit, but the life we fail to live." (Erwin McManus, Chasing Daylight, p. 36)

A Necessary 'Evil'

In the pre-valentine's day hype, I heard a lot of talk about how it's such a commercial holiday. Something that keeps the flower and chocolate industries alive. And something that shouldn't have to be celebrated since love should be expressed everyday, not just on Valentine's.

And while a few years ago I probably would have agreed with those statements, I've come to see holidays like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Birthdays, etc as almost a "necessary evil". Hear me out.

Life these days is anything but simple for most people. We have places to go. People to see. And in the busyness of life, it's easy to forget about the important things. Random acts of kindness for those we love. Saying important things. Spending quality time with those we care about.

And while in a perfect world we shouldn't need advertising to tell us how and when we should honour those who are important to us; I wonder what might happen to some relationships if we didn't have these days set aside with the purpose of honouring those we love? Maybe if it weren't for these special days, many would forget to express love to those in their lives all together.

It would be amazing if we could all feel the love expressed on Valentine's everyday. But for those men and women who only feel it on February 14th, I can understand why it holds significance. And maybe in some way Valentine's for them is a spark of hope. That maybe what they feel and receive today could be carried over to the other 364 days of the year.

And so if Valentine's and Mother's Day and such occasions serve to remind just one person how special they are and how much they are worthy of love, then all the hype and advertising and sales gimmicks just might be worth it.

A Lasting Legacy

February 12, 2003. The day was exactly five years ago, yet how clearly it stands out in my mind.

After a week and a half of pleading and wrestling with God, looking for miracles, and holding onto hope, my heavenly Father called someone very precious to me Home.

This is the person who was a part of nearly every good memory I have from birth to that day in February. This is the person who taught me so much about love, life, friendship, and compassion. This person was my grandmother.

Words can't describe the feeling devastation that was felt when she suddenly took ill. Just the night before we were laughing and playing games and planning our summer trip together. Then suddenly I'm hearing medical terms I'd never heard before. Words that were complicated, but all meant the same thing: medically speaking there wasn't much hope.

So for ten turbulent days our lives revolved around a hospital room, praying for a miracle and trying to deny what seemed inventible.

And then the moment came. When she made the transition from this world to the next. And her family was left behind feeling such a profound sense of loss.

But over the years while I've grieved for her loss and still do, I've also come to realize that she has left me with so much. She taught me so many lessons, that while most were never spoken, resonate so loudly. And while writing them all out would take much more space than what's available here, I thought I would share a few.

She taught me about lasting friendship. When she moved to Timmins she became friends with a neighbour. That friendship lasted for over 45 years and was a stronger bond than I've seen exist in most families.

She taught me about compassion. Often she would quote that verse in Isaiah that says "share your bread with the hungry and shelter the homeless and poor" and she lived it.

She taught me about the power of marriage. She and my grandfather were married over fifty years and it's because of their example that I still believe that a good marriage is possible when two people are willing to give.

She taught me that risks are there for the taking. She was a war bride who married my grandfather (a Canadian solider) after knowing him for only a few months and then moved to a country where she knew no one and was well aware it would be many years before she could return back home. But she took a step of faith and didn't let anything hold her back from what she knew she needed to do.

She taught me the value of laughter. Too often it becomes easy to stop laughing when times get tough and if anyone had the right to stop laughing it would have been her. I can't comprehend what it would have been like growing up in a country that was occupied by the Nazi's during World War 2. But she didn't let her life experiences there or here stop her from laughing and living life to the fullest.

And she taught me the value of family. While I was growing up we referred to my grandparents house as "grand central station" and in many ways it was and still is. Their door was always open and we always took advantage of that. Whether it was spur of the moment visits or planned family dinners or evening get-togethers, something was always happening. Even on our family vacations and our weeks spent at the cottage, my grandparents were there and it made those times that much more enjoyable. In good times and bad, there was never a doubt that their door would be open to us and I can't imagine what growing up would have been like without them both in my life.

So today while I miss her, I'm also thankful for the legacy and lessons that she left me with. And I can only hope that one day I'm a fraction of the person she was and leave the kind of impact that she did.

News to Share

Last week I got my MasterCard bill in the mail. While opening the bill is not normally an event that brings a smile to my face, this month was different.

When I had originally signed up for the card it was an ebay credit card. Meaning they gave you points to spend on ebay for every dollar you spent. It was free so I thought there was no damage done to place my purchases on it.

But last year the ebay deal went out the window. Either ebay or the credit card company retracted the deal. To make up for it, the credit card company bumped my account up to have "premier rewards". A service they normally charged for, but gave it this time for free. I didn't really get what a great thing this was until I got my January bill in the mail.

Every January they take the sum of your total purchases on the card and give you a cash back bonus depending on how much you spent.

So imagine my sweet surprise when I opened my bill only to find I owed only $5.17! The coffeemaker I thought I was buying with my Christmas gift money is now free. My membership to zip.ca is completely paid for. And suddenly I have some extra cash in my bank account. All thanks to the good folks at MBNA Canada.

That really made my day. Well okay, made my week. And since then I've been telling everyone who will listen what a great deal that card is and how awesome the benefits are, especially when January rolls around.

And tonight a little bit of conviction rolled in when I realized that some of the people I so excitedly shared my news with are the same people I hesitate to share the Good News with.

Give me cash and I'll tell the world. Give me eternal life and suddenly I clam up. Doesn't make much sense now does it?

Representing Christ

Mondays and Tuesdays are always the busiest days of my week, but they are almost always the most enjoyable. Why? Because it's these two days that I have devoted to something that has been a big part of my life for the last six and a half years: the MAD Christian Radio Show.

When it started up, I had no idea how far it would go or how much I would enjoy doing it. It's been an incredible blessing to me and from the feedback I've been getting, it's also been a blessing to others.

How amazing is it that when God designed us He gave us gifts and abilities in certain areas? And even more amazing is that it's often in those same areas that our heart leaps because it's what we enjoy the most. What we're often most passionate about.

That's probably why I don't like the term "serving God". Because that kind of implies some sort of slavery system. Maybe a better term to use is representing Christ. Because that's what we do with every choice we make, every action we take, and every word we speak. And representing Christ, whether it's in ministry or in the day to day, truly is a great privilege.

"The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." (Frederick Buechner)

Of Darkness & Light

This week someone gave me a flashlight. It's the smallest flashlight I've ever owned. About the size that it's perfect for a keychain.

Despite it's size, every night this week when I've needed to make the walk from my office upstairs to my room downstairs, trying not to disturb others by flipping on all the lights, it's provided the perfect amount of light. This small flashlight makes a big difference.

It illuminates obstacles. Reminds me where the staircase starts (always good to know!) And takes away the fear of the unknown shadows.

While during the day my flashlight sits on my desk unnoticed and unused, when the darkness settles I appreciate having this light by my side.

And this has gotten me thinking of how often do we wait until it gets dark in our lives before we appreciate the greatest gift that has ever been given to us? Christ. The light of the world.

Last night was a dark night and today was a dark day in my life. I witnessed the desperation of someone's hopelessness, the pain of prayers that seem to be going unanswered, and the side effects of living in a sin filled world. Yet in the midst of this darkness, I have come to have a further appreciation of the light that Christ brings to my life.

No it doesn't take away the darkness, but it does provide us with a safe place in the midst of it. A place where we can come to rest. A place we can come to refocus. And a place we can come to be refreshed.

Tonight I'm very thankful for that light.

Strength that Endures

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul- not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bring and beautiful that he has for us." (Colossians 1:11-12, The Message)

As I've shared here before, I read those verses for the first time while sitting on a hospital bed, waiting to go in for surgery.

When I read those verses I had no idea how much I would hold on to them and see truth revealed over and over again. The only thing I knew at the time is that it was very significant and God was most definitely speaking to me through it. What He was saying, I wasn't sure then.

Two and a half years later, those verses are still speaking.

They spoke to me after the surgery when the pain was so intense that I counted down every minute to my next dose of morphine.

They spoke to me when my body was filled with infection from that surgery and I was so sicker than I've ever been in my life.

They spoke to me during my six month recovery, through many re-infections and the process of building up my strength.

They spoke to me when less than a month after I was healed from that ordeal I was told that I might have to go through it all again.

They spoke to me when I was healed of that cyst and would no longer require yet another surgery.

They spoke to me when my energy started draining, my joints started hurting and sleep became less frequent.

They spoke to me through a doctor's diagnoses and my struggle to accept what having sleep apnea really meant.

They spoke to me through over 365 nights and counting of darkness, praying for sleep when none would come.

They spoke to me through over 365 trying days and counting, attempting to function with the world when all I want to do was crawl into bed and stay there.

They spoke to me through many "I don't know" diagnoses and attempts to figure out what was wrong.

They spoke to me in the gut-wrenching situation I'm working through. Losing someone I love dearly, who is techically still here, but emotionally so far away.

They speak to me now at 2:30 am while the world sleeps and I keep glancing at the clock, exhausted, but unable to shut down. Still having no answers as to what is going on and what I can do to make it better.

So what do those verses say? They say a lot.

They say that God gives us strength beyond our wildest imagination. And He doesn't do it all at once. Just when we think we're running low and can't make it any farther, He fills us up to press on.

They say that joy comes even in the midst of sadness. That light can still be found in the darkest night. And that His peace is never far away.

And they say that God sees beauty in our pain. Like the master painter, He's shaping our life canvas one brush stroke at a time. Sometimes the places He paints or the colors He uses don't make sense to us, but He sees the whole picture. And one day we too will see that beautiful creation called our life story.

Until that day comes, I've choosen to hold onto those verses and trust this great artist who I've come to know as my best friend. And as the years go by, I know more than ever that He is worthy of my trust.