This week someone gave me a flashlight. It's the smallest flashlight I've ever owned. About the size that it's perfect for a keychain.
Despite it's size, every night this week when I've needed to make the walk from my office upstairs to my room downstairs, trying not to disturb others by flipping on all the lights, it's provided the perfect amount of light. This small flashlight makes a big difference.
It illuminates obstacles. Reminds me where the staircase starts (always good to know!) And takes away the fear of the unknown shadows.
While during the day my flashlight sits on my desk unnoticed and unused, when the darkness settles I appreciate having this light by my side.
And this has gotten me thinking of how often do we wait until it gets dark in our lives before we appreciate the greatest gift that has ever been given to us? Christ. The light of the world.
Last night was a dark night and today was a dark day in my life. I witnessed the desperation of someone's hopelessness, the pain of prayers that seem to be going unanswered, and the side effects of living in a sin filled world. Yet in the midst of this darkness, I have come to have a further appreciation of the light that Christ brings to my life.
No it doesn't take away the darkness, but it does provide us with a safe place in the midst of it. A place where we can come to rest. A place we can come to refocus. And a place we can come to be refreshed.
Tonight I'm very thankful for that light.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Strength that Endures
"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul- not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bring and beautiful that he has for us." (Colossians 1:11-12, The Message)
As I've shared here before, I read those verses for the first time while sitting on a hospital bed, waiting to go in for surgery.
When I read those verses I had no idea how much I would hold on to them and see truth revealed over and over again. The only thing I knew at the time is that it was very significant and God was most definitely speaking to me through it. What He was saying, I wasn't sure then.
Two and a half years later, those verses are still speaking.
They spoke to me after the surgery when the pain was so intense that I counted down every minute to my next dose of morphine.
They spoke to me when my body was filled with infection from that surgery and I was so sicker than I've ever been in my life.
They spoke to me during my six month recovery, through many re-infections and the process of building up my strength.
They spoke to me when less than a month after I was healed from that ordeal I was told that I might have to go through it all again.
They spoke to me when I was healed of that cyst and would no longer require yet another surgery.
They spoke to me when my energy started draining, my joints started hurting and sleep became less frequent.
They spoke to me through a doctor's diagnoses and my struggle to accept what having sleep apnea really meant.
They spoke to me through over 365 nights and counting of darkness, praying for sleep when none would come.
They spoke to me through over 365 trying days and counting, attempting to function with the world when all I want to do was crawl into bed and stay there.
They spoke to me through many "I don't know" diagnoses and attempts to figure out what was wrong.
They spoke to me in the gut-wrenching situation I'm working through. Losing someone I love dearly, who is techically still here, but emotionally so far away.
They speak to me now at 2:30 am while the world sleeps and I keep glancing at the clock, exhausted, but unable to shut down. Still having no answers as to what is going on and what I can do to make it better.
So what do those verses say? They say a lot.
They say that God gives us strength beyond our wildest imagination. And He doesn't do it all at once. Just when we think we're running low and can't make it any farther, He fills us up to press on.
They say that joy comes even in the midst of sadness. That light can still be found in the darkest night. And that His peace is never far away.
And they say that God sees beauty in our pain. Like the master painter, He's shaping our life canvas one brush stroke at a time. Sometimes the places He paints or the colors He uses don't make sense to us, but He sees the whole picture. And one day we too will see that beautiful creation called our life story.
Until that day comes, I've choosen to hold onto those verses and trust this great artist who I've come to know as my best friend. And as the years go by, I know more than ever that He is worthy of my trust.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
A Different Perspective
Today I received a copy of "The Word on the Street" by Rob Lacey. For those of you who are not familiar with the book, it's a paraphrase of the Bible, but with more of an urban flare to it than "The Message".
Tonight as I was browsing through it, I already found myself being refreshed by the words. Sometimes a different perspective on the same text can make a big difference. Consider Isaiah 53:1-6:
"Who would credit it? Who'd have foreseen this plot line in God's liberation story? He grew up vulnerable as a sapling in a concrete yard. Not especially attractive; nothing particularly regal about him: he didn't stand out in a crowd, your Mr. Average. He was dissed by most, given the cold shoulder by many. There was a sadness about him. You could see in his face that he was on personal terms with grief. People blocked him out, verbally abused him, didn't rate him.
But whoa! Step back a sec! Weren't those our weakness he took on? Wasn't that our sadness he carried? But we were convinced he'd been rubbed out of God's good books, punished by him, held down by him. How wrong can you be?! He was messed up by our mess. He was knocked down for our slip-ups. The slapping we should've got- he got. And we got serenity instead. His punishment beating left him half-human and us whole and fully human. We've all wandered off like lost boys, all followed our own directions. And God's punished him for everything we've done."
While obviously paraphrases aren't study Bibles, in my personal devotions I have a feeling I'll be enjoying this one!
Tonight as I was browsing through it, I already found myself being refreshed by the words. Sometimes a different perspective on the same text can make a big difference. Consider Isaiah 53:1-6:
"Who would credit it? Who'd have foreseen this plot line in God's liberation story? He grew up vulnerable as a sapling in a concrete yard. Not especially attractive; nothing particularly regal about him: he didn't stand out in a crowd, your Mr. Average. He was dissed by most, given the cold shoulder by many. There was a sadness about him. You could see in his face that he was on personal terms with grief. People blocked him out, verbally abused him, didn't rate him.
But whoa! Step back a sec! Weren't those our weakness he took on? Wasn't that our sadness he carried? But we were convinced he'd been rubbed out of God's good books, punished by him, held down by him. How wrong can you be?! He was messed up by our mess. He was knocked down for our slip-ups. The slapping we should've got- he got. And we got serenity instead. His punishment beating left him half-human and us whole and fully human. We've all wandered off like lost boys, all followed our own directions. And God's punished him for everything we've done."
While obviously paraphrases aren't study Bibles, in my personal devotions I have a feeling I'll be enjoying this one!
Saturday, January 26, 2008
New Website
If you're really observant, you've probably noticed that there is a new link in the column to the right. It's for the site klmcnulty.com.
Before I had another domain name set up for a website for my writing, but ran into tons of problems with the hosting company and to make a long story short, it was easier to start over than fight it out with them.
So I registered a new name and with it set up a new design. There's not a ton of content there. But I plan on using it as a place to keep people informed about what's happening with my writing. And if you visit you can see it's also a place for people who stop by there to be re-directed here for this crazy thing called a blog.
So if you have time, give it a looking over and let me know what you think. I'm open to suggestions :)
Before I had another domain name set up for a website for my writing, but ran into tons of problems with the hosting company and to make a long story short, it was easier to start over than fight it out with them.
So I registered a new name and with it set up a new design. There's not a ton of content there. But I plan on using it as a place to keep people informed about what's happening with my writing. And if you visit you can see it's also a place for people who stop by there to be re-directed here for this crazy thing called a blog.
So if you have time, give it a looking over and let me know what you think. I'm open to suggestions :)
Friday, January 25, 2008
Taking Onesimus Back
The book of Philemon is really small. So small in fact that you can't help but read it in one sitting. And it's a different book of the Bible because it reads more like a personal letter than the other books of the Bible do (well at least is does to me).
But the message of Philemon is very important. You've got a slave named Onesimus whose name literally means useful. But this guy hadn't been too useful to Philemon. In fact he took off and deserted him. The circumstances around his running away isn't clear. But what is clear is that Onesimus has had a change of heart. He's come to know Christ and he wants to do the right thing and go back to Philemon.
So Paul writes Philemon and asks him to take Onesimus back. Not just as a slave, but as a brother in Christ. Now no where in this letter do we know what happened after Philemon received Paul's letter. We don't know how he responded or if he took Onesimus back. But what we do know is what's expected of us in similar situations.
I don't know what your life is like, but right now I've got a 'Onesimus' in my life. Someone who messed up royally. Has done hurtful things. And doesn't have the greatest track record. But now they are looking to come back.
That leaves me in a dilemma. Do I choose to forgive and trust, knowing I could very well be hurt again? Or do I put an arms length distance between myself and this person?
If Paul's letter to Philemon is any indication, I've got no choice but to accept this person back as who they are- my sibling in the Lord. And how could I not? Because chances are one day I'll be knocking on someone else's door, needing grace extended back to me. And when that happens I can only hope that the person on the other end has the same grace and love as Paul had for Onesimus. The same grace and love that Christ has for me. And the same grace and love that I need to have for everyone who I cross paths with, deserters or not.
But the message of Philemon is very important. You've got a slave named Onesimus whose name literally means useful. But this guy hadn't been too useful to Philemon. In fact he took off and deserted him. The circumstances around his running away isn't clear. But what is clear is that Onesimus has had a change of heart. He's come to know Christ and he wants to do the right thing and go back to Philemon.
So Paul writes Philemon and asks him to take Onesimus back. Not just as a slave, but as a brother in Christ. Now no where in this letter do we know what happened after Philemon received Paul's letter. We don't know how he responded or if he took Onesimus back. But what we do know is what's expected of us in similar situations.
I don't know what your life is like, but right now I've got a 'Onesimus' in my life. Someone who messed up royally. Has done hurtful things. And doesn't have the greatest track record. But now they are looking to come back.
That leaves me in a dilemma. Do I choose to forgive and trust, knowing I could very well be hurt again? Or do I put an arms length distance between myself and this person?
If Paul's letter to Philemon is any indication, I've got no choice but to accept this person back as who they are- my sibling in the Lord. And how could I not? Because chances are one day I'll be knocking on someone else's door, needing grace extended back to me. And when that happens I can only hope that the person on the other end has the same grace and love as Paul had for Onesimus. The same grace and love that Christ has for me. And the same grace and love that I need to have for everyone who I cross paths with, deserters or not.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Blessed
It's only Tuesday (well I guess now it's technically Wednesday), but it feels like it should be Friday. Usually Monday and Tuesdays are my busiest days, but this week they were plain insane!
Yesterday I worked an 11 hour day between work, radio show, and ministry stuff. Today was 14 hours with only a break to cook dinner and eat. Yeah that's right, cook dinner.
It's no secret that I don't usually spend time in the culinary arts, but that's changing. It started two years ago when I found out I liked to bake and no one got sick from what I made. Today my Mom was out and I knew she didn't have time to make dinner, so instead of falling back on leftovers or kraft dinner, I decided to make something real. It actually turned out pretty good and I'm discovering that I do enjoy spending time in the kitchen.
I guess it's about time. It's pretty sad that at 24 my Mom still makes my dinner. In my defence though, our house could nearly be classified as a restaurant. My Mom spends most of her days in the kitchen and not only feeds us and two other family members, but often sends meals out. But I still should take the time to learn a thing or two from her...
So while today was crazy busy and I was doing a lot of juggling, it was good. It's a great feeling to be able to go to bed, even if it's later than I'd like, knowing that I did get something done. And I'm very grateful that I get to do what I do on a daily basis. I may not be able to be in school right now because of my health situations, but somehow by the grace of God I still get to do so many things that I love.
I'm blessed and I'm very much aware of that tonight.
Yesterday I worked an 11 hour day between work, radio show, and ministry stuff. Today was 14 hours with only a break to cook dinner and eat. Yeah that's right, cook dinner.
It's no secret that I don't usually spend time in the culinary arts, but that's changing. It started two years ago when I found out I liked to bake and no one got sick from what I made. Today my Mom was out and I knew she didn't have time to make dinner, so instead of falling back on leftovers or kraft dinner, I decided to make something real. It actually turned out pretty good and I'm discovering that I do enjoy spending time in the kitchen.
I guess it's about time. It's pretty sad that at 24 my Mom still makes my dinner. In my defence though, our house could nearly be classified as a restaurant. My Mom spends most of her days in the kitchen and not only feeds us and two other family members, but often sends meals out. But I still should take the time to learn a thing or two from her...
So while today was crazy busy and I was doing a lot of juggling, it was good. It's a great feeling to be able to go to bed, even if it's later than I'd like, knowing that I did get something done. And I'm very grateful that I get to do what I do on a daily basis. I may not be able to be in school right now because of my health situations, but somehow by the grace of God I still get to do so many things that I love.
I'm blessed and I'm very much aware of that tonight.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Food for Thought
Lord, by this sweet and saving sign,
Defend us from our foes and thine.
Jesus, by thy wounded feet,
Direct our path aright:
Jesus, by thy nailed hands,
Move ours to deeds of love:
Jesus, by thy pierced side,
Cleanse our desires:
Jesus, by thy crown of thorns,
Annihilate our pride:
Jesus, by thy silence,
Shame our complaints:
Jesus, by this parched lips,
Curb our cruel speech:
Jesus, by thy closing eyes,
Look on our sin no more:
Jesus, by thy broken heart,
Knit ours to thee.
And by this sweet and saving sign,
Lord, draw us to our peace and thine.
Richard Crashaw, English Poet (1612-1649)
Defend us from our foes and thine.
Jesus, by thy wounded feet,
Direct our path aright:
Jesus, by thy nailed hands,
Move ours to deeds of love:
Jesus, by thy pierced side,
Cleanse our desires:
Jesus, by thy crown of thorns,
Annihilate our pride:
Jesus, by thy silence,
Shame our complaints:
Jesus, by this parched lips,
Curb our cruel speech:
Jesus, by thy closing eyes,
Look on our sin no more:
Jesus, by thy broken heart,
Knit ours to thee.
And by this sweet and saving sign,
Lord, draw us to our peace and thine.
Richard Crashaw, English Poet (1612-1649)
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Jotting Thoughts
Suddenly I feel this overwhelming desire to write and it's a great feeling. For the longest time that desire was very suppressed. Trying to complete school while keeping up with work and ministry, all while having limited energy because of my sleep problems meant that at the end of the day (or night) I had nothing left to give. But now that I'm out of school for the time being and I've got my own little office set up, so I'm free to write into the late hours of the night without bothering anybody and it's great. And I am excited to write.
Write what? I'm not quite sure yet. I do a lot of writing for work, which is great. I write devotionals for the radio show. But I want to write more than that.
I've been toying with a novel idea for a few years now and it suddenly seems like the right time to start putting words down on paper. I don't know if it will ever progress into a full-length novel or if will sound as interesting on paper as it does in my head, but I'm trying it out.
I'm also flooded with material for a workshop that I'll be putting on next month and suddenly it's looking like there's potential for much more beyond the workshop. So I'm collecting information, jotting thoughts, and seeing where that road is leading.
These words I write may go no further than the four walls of my office. But to me it doesn't really matter. I'm doing something I love and I'm doing it with absolutely no pressure. There's no deadlines or teachers or editors waiting to read what I write. There's just me, God, and a keyboard. I'm taking risks. I'm going further than I've gone before and it's an exhilarating experience.
Words are good.
"Paul didn't know where he was going, but he did know why." (Erwin McManus)
Write what? I'm not quite sure yet. I do a lot of writing for work, which is great. I write devotionals for the radio show. But I want to write more than that.
I've been toying with a novel idea for a few years now and it suddenly seems like the right time to start putting words down on paper. I don't know if it will ever progress into a full-length novel or if will sound as interesting on paper as it does in my head, but I'm trying it out.
I'm also flooded with material for a workshop that I'll be putting on next month and suddenly it's looking like there's potential for much more beyond the workshop. So I'm collecting information, jotting thoughts, and seeing where that road is leading.
These words I write may go no further than the four walls of my office. But to me it doesn't really matter. I'm doing something I love and I'm doing it with absolutely no pressure. There's no deadlines or teachers or editors waiting to read what I write. There's just me, God, and a keyboard. I'm taking risks. I'm going further than I've gone before and it's an exhilarating experience.
Words are good.
"Paul didn't know where he was going, but he did know why." (Erwin McManus)
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Ushering In The New
It's another new year. With a new year brings new challenges, new obstacles, but also new opportunities for joy.
As I look a head into 2008 I can see many good things coming my way. I'm pumped up to be leading a workshop for teens at a ladies retreat in February. This summer my brother, Mom, and I are heading out on a killer vacation. And between work and ministry, I've got a lot of things to look forward to.
But at the same time, there are challenges a head. My sleep (or lack thereof) is still a huge problem- one that doesn't yet have an answer or solution. And I'm facing a situation right now that is spiralling out of control and the only thing I can do is learn how to let go.
But in the midst of the good and the bad I'm reminded that we serve a God who is very consistent. A God who loves us very much. And a God who offers us a loyal love with no comparison:
"'For the mountains may depart and the hills disappear, but even then I will remain loyal to you. My covenant of blessing will never broken,' says the Lord, who has mercy on you." Isaiah 54:10
In 2008 I hope to, above all, get to know this loving and merciful God better. To experience more of the richness and joy that can be found in even one moment with our loving Saviour.
As I look a head into 2008 I can see many good things coming my way. I'm pumped up to be leading a workshop for teens at a ladies retreat in February. This summer my brother, Mom, and I are heading out on a killer vacation. And between work and ministry, I've got a lot of things to look forward to.
But at the same time, there are challenges a head. My sleep (or lack thereof) is still a huge problem- one that doesn't yet have an answer or solution. And I'm facing a situation right now that is spiralling out of control and the only thing I can do is learn how to let go.
But in the midst of the good and the bad I'm reminded that we serve a God who is very consistent. A God who loves us very much. And a God who offers us a loyal love with no comparison:
"'For the mountains may depart and the hills disappear, but even then I will remain loyal to you. My covenant of blessing will never broken,' says the Lord, who has mercy on you." Isaiah 54:10
In 2008 I hope to, above all, get to know this loving and merciful God better. To experience more of the richness and joy that can be found in even one moment with our loving Saviour.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
My Soundtrack of 2007
So 2007 has come to a close and as a way of looking back, I thought I'd do something a little different. It's no secret that music is a huge part of my life, so for each month of the past year I'm posting lyrics from a song that really resonated with me during that time. Some fit the circumstances I faced perfectly. Others were songs that provided me with hope and peace. And others just spoke loudly at the moment. Enjoy.
January
"Raise our glasses to puzzle pieces
And the way they fit together
We never saw till now.
Here's to questions that need their answers
In the bright light of hindsight
Will all become clear somehow."
Tara Leigh Cobble- Here's To Hindsight
February
"A child is but for so long
Turn around those days are gone
Nothing can replace the years of youth
I have swallowed lies that tasted true
The plans I thought were sent from You
When all You wanted was for me To be still
The burning in the heart
Of man’s deepest desire
Is rising like a flame
The burning in the heart
Of our deepest desire
Rising like a flame
Burning higher and higher
Burning in the heart Of our deepest desire
Is to know You"
Phil Joel - The Man You Want Me To Be
March
"She would change everything,
Everything just ask her
Caught in the in between
Of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home."
Jon McLaughlin- Beautiful Disaster
April
"One eye on the clock and one the phone
It's 5:19, I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you, I'd want you to know
That holding loose, ain't letting go."
Matt Wertz- 5:19
May
"I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying of fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you
Comatose, I'll never wake up without an overdose of You."
Skillet- Comatose
June
"As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours, grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came."
The Fray- How To Save A Life
July
"I’m on the brink of disaster
Staring down the consequences
To break heart would be better
Tonight I’ll do what it takes to fail
I’m going there only faster
Jump the gun and throw it into gear
But the fact of the matter
I’m out of control asleep at the wheel
Asleep at the wheel
Out of control asleep at the wheel
Night falls with no grace
I said I can do anything
But I can do anything wrong
And with burning speed the rear-view says
it’s catching up to me
But I’m already gone."
Mae- Brink of Disaster
August
"Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Left me cold and out of breath
I felt as if I was in too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me.
You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say
When you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so that I could see
That you never were the best for me."
Daughtry- Over You
September
"I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it"
U2- Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
October
"And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on"
U2- Walk ON
November
"Kind of funny how a life can change
Everything gets re-arranged
Nothing's ever going to be the same
Day after day, page after page."
Paul Wright- 5th and Broadway
December
"Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off your feet?
Those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you
I'm the One that you've been looking for
I'm the One that you've been waiting for
I've had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have My eyes on you after the world is no more."
Disciple- After The World
January
"Raise our glasses to puzzle pieces
And the way they fit together
We never saw till now.
Here's to questions that need their answers
In the bright light of hindsight
Will all become clear somehow."
Tara Leigh Cobble- Here's To Hindsight
February
"A child is but for so long
Turn around those days are gone
Nothing can replace the years of youth
I have swallowed lies that tasted true
The plans I thought were sent from You
When all You wanted was for me To be still
The burning in the heart
Of man’s deepest desire
Is rising like a flame
The burning in the heart
Of our deepest desire
Rising like a flame
Burning higher and higher
Burning in the heart Of our deepest desire
Is to know You"
Phil Joel - The Man You Want Me To Be
March
"She would change everything,
Everything just ask her
Caught in the in between
Of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home."
Jon McLaughlin- Beautiful Disaster
April
"One eye on the clock and one the phone
It's 5:19, I'm feeling alone
If I could talk to you, I'd want you to know
That holding loose, ain't letting go."
Matt Wertz- 5:19
May
"I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying of fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you
Comatose, I'll never wake up without an overdose of You."
Skillet- Comatose
June
"As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours, grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came."
The Fray- How To Save A Life
July
"I’m on the brink of disaster
Staring down the consequences
To break heart would be better
Tonight I’ll do what it takes to fail
I’m going there only faster
Jump the gun and throw it into gear
But the fact of the matter
I’m out of control asleep at the wheel
Asleep at the wheel
Out of control asleep at the wheel
Night falls with no grace
I said I can do anything
But I can do anything wrong
And with burning speed the rear-view says
it’s catching up to me
But I’m already gone."
Mae- Brink of Disaster
August
"Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Left me cold and out of breath
I felt as if I was in too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me.
You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say
When you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so that I could see
That you never were the best for me."
Daughtry- Over You
September
"I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it"
U2- Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
October
"And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on"
U2- Walk ON
November
"Kind of funny how a life can change
Everything gets re-arranged
Nothing's ever going to be the same
Day after day, page after page."
Paul Wright- 5th and Broadway
December
"Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off your feet?
Those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you
I'm the One that you've been looking for
I'm the One that you've been waiting for
I've had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have My eyes on you after the world is no more."
Disciple- After The World
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Christmas Questionnaire
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper- it makes opening a gift that much more fun!
2. Real tree or artificial?
Always real. I grew up in the country and getting a tree was a simple as walking outside with a saw. Now it's a little more complicated, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. When do you put up the tree?
About a week or two before Christmas.
4. When do you take the tree down?
Whenever it starts to die. One year we had a tree that actually started growing in the house! It was kind of cool, but we ended up taking it out by February. Christmas cheer only last so long ;)
5. Do you like eggnog?
Love it. My brother has a great recipe that I enjoy every year.
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Probably my Easton aluminium hockey stick. I wanted one so badly and when I finally got it I was on cloud nine. I was convinced it was a lucky stick and I guess it was in a way. Seven goals in one game, yeah!
7. Do you have a Nativity scene?
Yup. I made the manger/stable when I was in high school and we've had the pieces since I was pretty young. And it shows. One of the wisemen is missing a hand- poor fellow.
8. Hardest person to buy for?
My sister.
9. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Stuff from the body shop. I was nine and not interested.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Mail.
11. Favorite Christmas Movie?
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and the Muppets Christmas.
12. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Usually the first or second weekend of December.
13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Nope.
14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Fudge and peanut butter squares.
15. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
Colored- it just makes everything look more festive.
16. Favorite Christmas song?
For traditional, probably O Come All Ye Faithful. For modern, I love "Strange Way To Save The World" and "2000 Decembers Ago".
17. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Home. It's so wonderful to have family within a four block radius.
18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?
Of course. I took it very seriously as a kid.
19. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Angel who should have been thrown out years ago, but it's tradition.
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
When I was younger we'd do one on Christmas eve and the rest on Christmas day. Now we save them all for Christmas morning.
21. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
I wouldn't say it's annoying, but I really don't like how much pressure is put on people at this time of year. Especially for parents who don't have a lot of money and are put in the position of having to "keep up" with what other parents give their kids.
Wrapping paper- it makes opening a gift that much more fun!
2. Real tree or artificial?
Always real. I grew up in the country and getting a tree was a simple as walking outside with a saw. Now it's a little more complicated, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. When do you put up the tree?
About a week or two before Christmas.
4. When do you take the tree down?
Whenever it starts to die. One year we had a tree that actually started growing in the house! It was kind of cool, but we ended up taking it out by February. Christmas cheer only last so long ;)
5. Do you like eggnog?
Love it. My brother has a great recipe that I enjoy every year.
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Probably my Easton aluminium hockey stick. I wanted one so badly and when I finally got it I was on cloud nine. I was convinced it was a lucky stick and I guess it was in a way. Seven goals in one game, yeah!
7. Do you have a Nativity scene?
Yup. I made the manger/stable when I was in high school and we've had the pieces since I was pretty young. And it shows. One of the wisemen is missing a hand- poor fellow.
8. Hardest person to buy for?
My sister.
9. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Stuff from the body shop. I was nine and not interested.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Mail.
11. Favorite Christmas Movie?
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and the Muppets Christmas.
12. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Usually the first or second weekend of December.
13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Nope.
14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Fudge and peanut butter squares.
15. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
Colored- it just makes everything look more festive.
16. Favorite Christmas song?
For traditional, probably O Come All Ye Faithful. For modern, I love "Strange Way To Save The World" and "2000 Decembers Ago".
17. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Home. It's so wonderful to have family within a four block radius.
18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?
Of course. I took it very seriously as a kid.
19. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Angel who should have been thrown out years ago, but it's tradition.
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
When I was younger we'd do one on Christmas eve and the rest on Christmas day. Now we save them all for Christmas morning.
21. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
I wouldn't say it's annoying, but I really don't like how much pressure is put on people at this time of year. Especially for parents who don't have a lot of money and are put in the position of having to "keep up" with what other parents give their kids.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Grace
Grace has been on my mind a lot lately. Mainly because at College and Careers we've been going through a series based on Philip Yancey's book "What's So Amazing About Grace?"
It's amazing to me, this thought of grace. The fact that God knows us and still loves us. And grace is a key to the Christmas story, because without grace there would be no Bethlehem.
I can't even begin to comprehend the heart-wrenching decision that was made in heaven before that very first Christmas morning. The choice of a Father to send His Son to save a world that certainly didn't deserve it.
That's grace. And that's the cornerstone of the Christmas story. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.
Amazing indeed.
It's amazing to me, this thought of grace. The fact that God knows us and still loves us. And grace is a key to the Christmas story, because without grace there would be no Bethlehem.
I can't even begin to comprehend the heart-wrenching decision that was made in heaven before that very first Christmas morning. The choice of a Father to send His Son to save a world that certainly didn't deserve it.
That's grace. And that's the cornerstone of the Christmas story. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.
Amazing indeed.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Walk On
I've been listening to a lot of U2 lately. Especially the album "All That You Can't Leave Behind". I know everyone talks about "Joshua Tree", but I think "All That You Can't Leave Behind" is my favorite from U2. I don't know if it's because it's brilliant or it's because it's the one I relate to the most. And in the end, I don't think it really matters.
One song that's been on repeat a lot lately is "Walk On". The lyrics just resonate so loudly with where I've been finding myself lately:
"And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on"
Lately the temptation in my life has been to stop walking forward. To allow myself just to stay stuck in this place. And for a while I almost convinced myself it wouldn't be such a bad thing. After all, if anyone were to get a real glimpse into what my life has been like lately, they probably wouldn't blame me for doing so.
But I've decided to keep walking. Why? Because when I look back on my life I don't want to see wasted moments and opportunities. I don't want to have regret after regret. And to stop now, even though things are tough, would be something I would regret.
So I'm pressing on. Even though some days I may only move forward an inch, I'm making progress. I refuse to be stopped and be silenced by what keeps being thrown my way.
And it scares me to think of how close I came to doing so. Letting life circumstances speak for your life is a convenient excuse. And it's just that: an excuse. God knows exactly what we face everyday. And yet He still calls us to press on:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. He was willing to die a shameful death on the cross because of the joy he knew would be his afterward. Now he is seated in the place of highest honour beside God's throne in heaven. Think about all he endured when sinful people did such terrible things to him, so that you don't become weary and give up." (Hebrews 12:1-3)
So today, instead of focusing on problems and pain and sickness, I'm focusing on Jesus. And He's the One who I'm learning to depend on from start to finish. No, I haven't "arrived". But I am on the journey. And I think in the end the journey is what matters most.
One song that's been on repeat a lot lately is "Walk On". The lyrics just resonate so loudly with where I've been finding myself lately:
"And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on...
Stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on"
Lately the temptation in my life has been to stop walking forward. To allow myself just to stay stuck in this place. And for a while I almost convinced myself it wouldn't be such a bad thing. After all, if anyone were to get a real glimpse into what my life has been like lately, they probably wouldn't blame me for doing so.
But I've decided to keep walking. Why? Because when I look back on my life I don't want to see wasted moments and opportunities. I don't want to have regret after regret. And to stop now, even though things are tough, would be something I would regret.
So I'm pressing on. Even though some days I may only move forward an inch, I'm making progress. I refuse to be stopped and be silenced by what keeps being thrown my way.
And it scares me to think of how close I came to doing so. Letting life circumstances speak for your life is a convenient excuse. And it's just that: an excuse. God knows exactly what we face everyday. And yet He still calls us to press on:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. He was willing to die a shameful death on the cross because of the joy he knew would be his afterward. Now he is seated in the place of highest honour beside God's throne in heaven. Think about all he endured when sinful people did such terrible things to him, so that you don't become weary and give up." (Hebrews 12:1-3)
So today, instead of focusing on problems and pain and sickness, I'm focusing on Jesus. And He's the One who I'm learning to depend on from start to finish. No, I haven't "arrived". But I am on the journey. And I think in the end the journey is what matters most.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Thankful for the Moments
The sound of Charlie Hall fills my ears and faintly in the background, I hear the clock ticking out each second. A moment in time never to be repeated again. Moments I have not always been so grateful for.
In this place, during the early morning hours, I have spent many moments watching pictures flash by on the TV screen. Hearing the words, but not letting them sink too far in. While my mind filtered the media, my heart felt a strange heaviness. And yes, sometimes bitterness.
You see, I'm not up at 2:00 am by choice. My life has changed drastically over the past year. Not be it by choice, but changed nonetheless. While my family enjoys a night of rest and refreshment, I sit downstairs unable to fall asleep. Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome, and Insomnia has seen to that.
So my nights pass by in a dark basement wide-awake. And my days pass by in front of a computer, trying to focus, but falling painfully short as my eyelids droop lower and lower.
To be thankful for such a "curse" has been a foreign concept. Because after all, before this condition blindsided me, I had lived a year and a half filled with sickness, pain, and fear. But being thankful for even this is the journey that I am on. Because where once I fought for "normal" nights, I have now accepted that this is the place I'm in and I am here for a reason. And knowing that is freeing.
With the turbulence that has been shaking up other areas of my life, maybe God knew I'd need these hours to myself. To think, reflect, and pray for His guidance and strength.
Is it difficult to live like this? Yes. Do I know when I will get better? No. But maybe those aren't the important questions.
Maybe the important question is "What am I going to do with this cross I have been called to bear?" I can fight it and by doing so, waste a lot of time and energy. Or I can accept it as part of His divine plan and look a head to the day where I see His plan perfectly in hindsight.
I've decided to choose the later of the two. After all, every moment is a gift. Whether it comes are 4:00 pm or 4:00 am.
Praise God from who all blessings flow. Even the ones we don't always recognize.
In this place, during the early morning hours, I have spent many moments watching pictures flash by on the TV screen. Hearing the words, but not letting them sink too far in. While my mind filtered the media, my heart felt a strange heaviness. And yes, sometimes bitterness.
You see, I'm not up at 2:00 am by choice. My life has changed drastically over the past year. Not be it by choice, but changed nonetheless. While my family enjoys a night of rest and refreshment, I sit downstairs unable to fall asleep. Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome, and Insomnia has seen to that.
So my nights pass by in a dark basement wide-awake. And my days pass by in front of a computer, trying to focus, but falling painfully short as my eyelids droop lower and lower.
To be thankful for such a "curse" has been a foreign concept. Because after all, before this condition blindsided me, I had lived a year and a half filled with sickness, pain, and fear. But being thankful for even this is the journey that I am on. Because where once I fought for "normal" nights, I have now accepted that this is the place I'm in and I am here for a reason. And knowing that is freeing.
With the turbulence that has been shaking up other areas of my life, maybe God knew I'd need these hours to myself. To think, reflect, and pray for His guidance and strength.
Is it difficult to live like this? Yes. Do I know when I will get better? No. But maybe those aren't the important questions.
Maybe the important question is "What am I going to do with this cross I have been called to bear?" I can fight it and by doing so, waste a lot of time and energy. Or I can accept it as part of His divine plan and look a head to the day where I see His plan perfectly in hindsight.
I've decided to choose the later of the two. After all, every moment is a gift. Whether it comes are 4:00 pm or 4:00 am.
Praise God from who all blessings flow. Even the ones we don't always recognize.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Finding The Gospel (In Unexpected Places)
As the title of this blog entry would indicate, lately I've been finding the truth of the gospel in unexpected places. In the books I'm reading. The tv I'm watching. The life I'm experiencing.
The stories I'm reading, watching, and living are about love. About redemption. And about a hope for something greater than what we're experiencing. And aren't those things the real essence of the gospel after all?
Unconditional love seen on DVD as a guy gets himself sent to prison, just to save the life of his brother who's about to die for a crime he did not commit.
Redemption seen in the story of a father, who after being absent for most of his child's upbringing, breaks down the barriers between his kid and himself. The child responds, and together they move towards a future without dwelling on the past.
Love and hope seen in the real life story of a mother who reaches out to her child time and time again, even though this child is verbally abusive, a perpetual liar, and is unable to give that kind of love that she receives. But still the mother loves, and the mother hopes that one day things will change.
These stories about love, hope, and redemption inspire me. Because honestly, it's easy to miss that kind of grace and beauty when we live the kind of lives that we do. Where we're faced with tragedies, pain, and heartbreak on an all-too frequent basis.
But when we do stop and recognize these incredible reflections of the gospel in the world around us, we get a glimpse into the heart of God. The kind of heart that crossed heaven and earth just to make sure that a bunch of sinners would receive the kind of love that He gives, undeserved as it may be.
And being able to find a glimpse of that beauty and grace, is a gift. One that sustains and inspires. It's my prayer to continue to find the heart of the gospel in unexpected places.
The stories I'm reading, watching, and living are about love. About redemption. And about a hope for something greater than what we're experiencing. And aren't those things the real essence of the gospel after all?
Unconditional love seen on DVD as a guy gets himself sent to prison, just to save the life of his brother who's about to die for a crime he did not commit.
Redemption seen in the story of a father, who after being absent for most of his child's upbringing, breaks down the barriers between his kid and himself. The child responds, and together they move towards a future without dwelling on the past.
Love and hope seen in the real life story of a mother who reaches out to her child time and time again, even though this child is verbally abusive, a perpetual liar, and is unable to give that kind of love that she receives. But still the mother loves, and the mother hopes that one day things will change.
These stories about love, hope, and redemption inspire me. Because honestly, it's easy to miss that kind of grace and beauty when we live the kind of lives that we do. Where we're faced with tragedies, pain, and heartbreak on an all-too frequent basis.
But when we do stop and recognize these incredible reflections of the gospel in the world around us, we get a glimpse into the heart of God. The kind of heart that crossed heaven and earth just to make sure that a bunch of sinners would receive the kind of love that He gives, undeserved as it may be.
And being able to find a glimpse of that beauty and grace, is a gift. One that sustains and inspires. It's my prayer to continue to find the heart of the gospel in unexpected places.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Tony Campolo
This video echo's the thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind since reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne.
Christianity, in North America especially, has been made way too complicated. Here Dr. Campolo explains how simple it really is.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
A little too comfortable
Charles Swindoll wrote: "When you suffer and lose, that does not mean you are being disobedient to God. In fact, it might mean you're right in the center of His will. The path of obedience is often marked by times of suffering and loss."
I don't know why, but I didn't really consider that connection before. Sure, I knew that being a Christian brought on persecution. But suffering and loss? Well it wasn't something I associated with obedience before. Character growth, sure. Obedience? Not really.
But it really only makes sense. Looking at the the apostles lives doesn't make Christianity look that appealing. Not only did they face tremendous persecution, but their life circumstances weren't that great. And I'm realizing more and more, neither will ours be.
It seems like everytime life seems to settle, another storm brews in. But in reading the Bible, can we really expect anything else?
Should we expect fat paychecks? Large homes? Perfect families? Stress-free jobs? Nothing but loving people? The ideal church? I don't know why we get so surprised when life turns out to be the opposite. I don't know why I get so surprised.
I guess somewhere along the way Christianity has gotten confused with comfort. I'm beginning to see that they couldn't be more opposite. As Shane Claiborne wrote "God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable."
I think we've gotten a little too comfortable. I know I have.
I don't know why, but I didn't really consider that connection before. Sure, I knew that being a Christian brought on persecution. But suffering and loss? Well it wasn't something I associated with obedience before. Character growth, sure. Obedience? Not really.
But it really only makes sense. Looking at the the apostles lives doesn't make Christianity look that appealing. Not only did they face tremendous persecution, but their life circumstances weren't that great. And I'm realizing more and more, neither will ours be.
It seems like everytime life seems to settle, another storm brews in. But in reading the Bible, can we really expect anything else?
Should we expect fat paychecks? Large homes? Perfect families? Stress-free jobs? Nothing but loving people? The ideal church? I don't know why we get so surprised when life turns out to be the opposite. I don't know why I get so surprised.
I guess somewhere along the way Christianity has gotten confused with comfort. I'm beginning to see that they couldn't be more opposite. As Shane Claiborne wrote "God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable."
I think we've gotten a little too comfortable. I know I have.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
The Art of Being
"What makes for a good [life] story is not necessarily a thrill-a-minute plot, but an eye for detail, loaded moments. It's the so-called mundane that is most often chock-full of the eternal." (Linford Detweiler)
Starting this entry off with that quote is somewhat of a disclaimer. Because if you thought you were in for grand tales of God-adventures and awe-inspiring moments that have been filling my time over these past few weeks, you're going to be disappointed.
My time away from school hasn't been filled with big ministry projects or any jaw-dropping revelations. But it has been so good. I guess instead of doing, I'm for the moment just being and it's something that was long overdue.
During this time of "being" I'm reconnecting with who I am and more importantly, who I am in Christ. I'm trying to get caught up on sleep and my prayers for rest are finally being answered. This week I had more good nights than I have had in the past eight months combined :)
I've been experiencing more of those loaded moments too. It's amazing how clear they become when the busyness of life is toned down even just a bit.
And above all, during this time I'm just learning that it's okay to not have everything figured out. I tried that game and failed miserably at it. Because the truth is, we really have very little control over our circumstances and there is no way we can ever have the road a head truly mapped out as hard as we may try. And you know what, that's okay. Because even though lately I can't physically drive because I'm so tired, my spiritual driving days have been gone for quite some time. God is in the driver's seat of this life. I'm just along for the ride. And what a ride it's been!
Starting this entry off with that quote is somewhat of a disclaimer. Because if you thought you were in for grand tales of God-adventures and awe-inspiring moments that have been filling my time over these past few weeks, you're going to be disappointed.
My time away from school hasn't been filled with big ministry projects or any jaw-dropping revelations. But it has been so good. I guess instead of doing, I'm for the moment just being and it's something that was long overdue.
During this time of "being" I'm reconnecting with who I am and more importantly, who I am in Christ. I'm trying to get caught up on sleep and my prayers for rest are finally being answered. This week I had more good nights than I have had in the past eight months combined :)
I've been experiencing more of those loaded moments too. It's amazing how clear they become when the busyness of life is toned down even just a bit.
And above all, during this time I'm just learning that it's okay to not have everything figured out. I tried that game and failed miserably at it. Because the truth is, we really have very little control over our circumstances and there is no way we can ever have the road a head truly mapped out as hard as we may try. And you know what, that's okay. Because even though lately I can't physically drive because I'm so tired, my spiritual driving days have been gone for quite some time. God is in the driver's seat of this life. I'm just along for the ride. And what a ride it's been!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Jon Mclaughlin - Beautiful Disaster
I heard this song for the first time a couple weeks ago and it's been on repeat ever since. Check it out.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Summer Break!
So I'm officially on summer holidays from school. My original plan was to take four courses this summer, but my health had other ideas.
Although it's frustrating to put the courses off (and it was a huge hassle to do so), deep down I know I need the break. Just to catch up on sleep alone is reason enough.
So for the next month and a half I won't have a school agenda. I'll still have regular responsibilities with work and the radio show and stuff like that. But I'll be free from the heavy workload that consumes a lot of my time and I'll get to do the things that I really want to do. What are those things? Well...
I'd like to write more. Not a book (yet) or anything huge, but just put more thoughts down on paper.
I'd like to read more. When I'm in school I read so much during the day that when night comes around, I don't do very much if any. I've got a stack of books that are calling my name :)
And I'd like to switch rooms. This is something I've wanted to do for a while, but the timing wasn't there. But now I'm moving all my stuff downstairs and my "old" room will be turned into an office (woo hoo!). This I think will be a really good thing because I'll be able to separate my life a little more. Plus I'll have a space of my own for school/work/radio/writing, so it'll be easier to focus and do good work.
So those are my plans for this summer. What are yours?
Although it's frustrating to put the courses off (and it was a huge hassle to do so), deep down I know I need the break. Just to catch up on sleep alone is reason enough.
So for the next month and a half I won't have a school agenda. I'll still have regular responsibilities with work and the radio show and stuff like that. But I'll be free from the heavy workload that consumes a lot of my time and I'll get to do the things that I really want to do. What are those things? Well...
I'd like to write more. Not a book (yet) or anything huge, but just put more thoughts down on paper.
I'd like to read more. When I'm in school I read so much during the day that when night comes around, I don't do very much if any. I've got a stack of books that are calling my name :)
And I'd like to switch rooms. This is something I've wanted to do for a while, but the timing wasn't there. But now I'm moving all my stuff downstairs and my "old" room will be turned into an office (woo hoo!). This I think will be a really good thing because I'll be able to separate my life a little more. Plus I'll have a space of my own for school/work/radio/writing, so it'll be easier to focus and do good work.
So those are my plans for this summer. What are yours?
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