Writing and Such

Yes, I realize it's been over a week since I last posted. My sister's wedding was last weekend and I underestimated what my role was going to be in the pre-wedding preparations. I had no idea our phone could ring that much. I felt like a secretary.

But somehow in the midst of all of the busyness I also found that I feel like a writer again. I've been kicking around four ideas for my next book and I think I've settled on two to start on.

The first is another non-fiction book that'll be a devotional type book. I'm still in the early stages of planning it, but I've got around 3000 words down on paper and I feel inspired to keep writing.

The second project I'm excited about is a novel. I mentioned before that I was thinking about writing one, but this is actually a different story idea that came to me than before (I guess I'll leave that one in the "idea's" folder for now). I don't know if it's ever going to be something that I'll want to try to get published or not, but it's one of those stories I feel that I can't help but write down. I was working on it the other night and within a half hour I had the entire story mapped out from start to finish. So I'm going to keep writing and see where that takes me.

A quote to leave you with:

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." (Ida Scott Taylor)

Not Knowing

Tomorrow I'm set to walk into another doctors office and I have no idea will what the appointment will bring.

Will I finally get the answers I've been seeking for what seems like forever?

Will it lead to more tests, more possiblities?

Will I be stuck waiting for a diagnoses? And in the meantime have no clue what I can do to get rid of these trying symptoms?

I don't know.

But I do know that no matter what happens in that doctors office tomorrow, Someone already knows how it's going to go down. He promises to walk with me through every part of life, both the highs and the lows.

So I do know Who will be with me. And right now, that's all I need to know.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love." (Romans 5:3-5)

The Cave

Right now at College and Careers we're working through a video study based on the book "If You Want To Walk On Water, You've Got To Get Out Of The Boat" by John Ortberg.

I read this book for the first time a few years ago and through prepping for the studies, I've been going through chunks of it again. A quote that caught my eye this week:

“Sometimes you are in a cave and no human action is able to get you out. There is something you can’t fix, can’t heal, or can’t escape, and all you can do is trust God. Finding ultimate refuge in God means you become so immersed in His presence, so convinced of His goodness, so devoted to His lordship that you find even the cave is a perfectly safe place to be because He is there with you.” (John Ortberg)

A Life To Give Away

I read this tonight and it really hit home. It comes from the blog of Jon Foreman (Switchfoot). You can follow the link at the bottom of this post to read the whole thing.

"Pieces of us, significant ideals and dreams, now reduced to dust and ash drifting away. Washing away. In every moment there's always the option to run from the momentary pain. momentary little alters to momentary little gods.

But maybe that's just what we've been given: a life to give away. time. meaning. love. we lay these, our gifts on the alters of our choosing. Memories, knowledge, wealth, friends, scars- these are what we accumulate. But these do not come cheap: these possessions will cost us our very lives. We lose ourselves whether we like it or not. This is not a choice. "Listen man, if you lose yourself for my sake you'll find yourself, try and hold on to yourself and you'll lose it."

Yeah, I suppose even Divine love is like that, erosion. washing over us like the rain or the sun or the shore. But to compare the two is absurd. One is life the other is death. But it takes time to tell them apart- I can usually tell which is which a few weeks down the line. The creator's love is creating, additive, purposeful. I feel more complete, more whole, more at home in the "in" and the "of". Make no mistake, he takes things away, and it hurts like hell. It sometimes hurts worse than the other sort of pain, the numb deadening sort. Maybe partly because your more alive, more aware. Or maybe because you're the hands of a friend.

But I suppose thats the difference between the doctor and the dealer: one is the touch of a sculptor one is the glove of a thief."

Read the rest...

The Portable Seminary

Today my day started with one of my favourite things: getting a new shipment of books.

I save up cash and every couple of months order a couple books that I'm interested in. By ordering them all at once I save on shipping and it forces me to be self-controlled and read the ones I already have first.

Anyway, today the book that came in that I'm most excited about is called "The Portable Seminary". It's a huge book- about 700 pages and the purpose of it is to go over a lot of the topics that you would learn if you went to seminary.

Now the people who write the book say themselves it in no way replaces a seminary education, but for people who are interested and can't afford to go or don't have the time to, this gives you a starting point for many of the topics you'd see covered there.

So I'm excited to dive into it. Some sections that look pretty appealing:

-Old and New Testament surveys
-ethics
-systematic theology
-apologetics

For myself I'm hoping this serves as kind of a diving board to get me started on studying topics that I've been interested in for years, but have never really taken the time to look into fully for myself.

Paul Alan

For years I've been a Paul Alan fan. I've made it no secret that in my opinion his CD "Falling Awake" is one of the best Christian albums that has ever been recorded.

So you can imagine how excited I was to find out that he has released a new CD! It's called "Drive It Home" and after ordering it, I got access to download the album and after listening to it a couple times, I think it is fair to say it's another classic!

Right now my favourite song on it is "To Bring You Back". Check it out on his myspace page and be amazed!

Paul Alan - To Bring You Back

are you thirsty
standing in the rain
not sure where you are
or how you lost your way
hey, hey, hey
are you drowning
in some bar outside of town
searching for something given…
not found
a crowd of people and totally alone
at the front door
but worlds away from home

light up the night’s last regret
burn your only safety net
step to the edge
it’s such a long way down

I left the ninety nine to find the one
and you’re the one
I’ve walked 1000 miles in this desert sun
only to bring you back…

are you tired of chasing the wind
underwater…
do you aspire to breathe again
are you dying
is that the best that you can do
’cause you can’t find your place in a world that wasn’t meant for you

I left the ninety nine to find the one
and you’re the one
I’ve walked 1000 miles in this desert sun
only to bring you back…

hello it’s me
I couldn’t sleep
I was just counting sheep and I’m missing you…

Weekend Seminar

So this weekend I attended the Growing A Healthy Church seminar at my church and wow, was it ever good!

Often I find we tend to overcomplicate things and with church and ministry it's no different. But this course wasn't something to add to the confusion, but rather to clarify it all. To remove all of the extra's that man has added over time and to focus on how Jesus lived His life.

So using Jesus' ministry as the framework we learned how to effectively live out a life that multiplies and blesses the lives of those we come into contact with. And this applies both on a personal level and a ministry one.

I took a lot of notes and we were each given a workbook, which I'm going to be going over many times in the coming weeks and months. I see there are a lot of areas where I can improve how I minister to others and how I grow myself. Not so much by following steps a, b, and c, but rather by having a different mindset in the way I do things.

I'm sure as I process the lessons learned I'll be posting more on it in the near future, but for now I'll leave you with a couple quotes from the seminar that are still swirling about in my mind:

"Because we're busy we settle for what's easy, but not for what's best."

"Your attitude towards people reflects your attitude towards God."

"Sunday morning is a reflection of what is taking place in people's lives throughout the week."

"You can teach skills and you can teach knowledge, but you can't install a heart for God and service in someone else."

"Because of his humanity, Jesus faced limitations like we do. Even though he passionately loved all people, he could not be everywhere at once. He knew that to reach the masses he had to invest in a few- so that the masses could be ultimately reached."

Growing A Healthy Church

This weekend I'm pumped to be attending a "Growing A Healthy Church" seminar that's being held at our church.

I've heard nothing but good things about this course and even though I'm no pastor or church planter, I'm hoping to learn lots that can help me with leading College and Careers and hopefully in other ministry areas as well.

Speaking of ministry, I got some pretty amazing news yesterday. Supposedly some Wal-Mart stores in the US are now carrying my book! I don't know how many stores have it in stock or if it's selling, but that doesn't really matter. I'm just thrilled to know that such a big chain of stores somehow got a hold of something I wrote. And through the grace of God, maybe just one life can be changed.

Stranger things have happened.

Saying "no"

Today I said no to something that I was asked to do and I can't tell you how good it feels. By nature I'm somewhat of a people pleaser (which I think deep down most of us are). So when I get asked to do things, I have a really hard time saying 'no'.

Over the years, I've gotten better at this, but I still find it difficult sometimes when I'm asked. Mostly because most of the requests I get are for good things. Great things even. But sometimes a good thing can turn into a bad thing if you're not the right person for the job or you're over-committed as it is.

So I said no. I explained that I've got a job that I love that is my focus. Ministries that are my passion. And family and friends who I'd like to spend more time with, not less.

It felt good to have the freedom to say no. I wish I could have learned this very important lesson years ago- it would have made life a whole lot less complicated.

NCAA March Madness

I don't really know very much about college basketball. If I had cable, I'd probably watch it. But I don't, so my knowledge is pretty limited.

But still something about March Madness draws me in year after year. I keep track of teams that I can't recall the names of at any other time of the year. I check stats. I watch the highlights online. And I do this all because of some genius idea: brackets.

Every year with my limited knowledge I take a random shot in the dark and pick my bracket (basically you call which teams are going to win and advance). Then I have fun watching "my teams" and seeing which ones advance.

There's probably better things I can do with my time, but I really enjoy it. And there are prizes which makes it all the sweeter. Two years ago I nearly won an awesome prize pack, but lost on the tie-breaker question.

So my bracket has been entered and until the tournament is over I'll be checking the scores and keeping track of the games. At last check I'm 11 for 13, so we'll see how well this year goes.

On A Hill Too Far Away

With the Easter season upon us, I have been re-reading parts of one of my favorite books "On A Hill Too Far Away" by John Fischer.

If you haven't read it yet, I can't recommend it enough. I'm not one to write in the margins of books, but this one had so much meat in it that I couldn't not jot down thoughts and underline paragraphs.

One quote that has really struck me today:

"Sin is what prevents even the most well-meaning of us from completely conquering the evil in our hearts. We may climb the highest mountain and yet descend to the lowest form of greed. We may find a cure for AIDS and yet be powerless against the bigotry, prejudice, and self-righteousness that festers in the hearts of gays and straights alike. We may give much of what we have to feed the poor but not be able to come up with even a morsel for the hunger in our own souls. We are a study in contrasts. We all ate of the fruit. We are filled with the knowledge of both good and evil at the same time, and we cannot always choose correctly. Something went wrong. The cross tells us that. If something hadn't gone wrong, we wouldn't need a cross." (On A Hill Too Far Away, p. 67)

The truth is no matter how hard we try, we'll never "arrive". Which is why the blood of Christ is vital and His grace is needed to carry us through each day. There truly is wonderful power in the blood.

Hound of Heaven

"As for me, I look to the Lord for his help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord Himself will be my light." (Micah 7:7-8)

Those verses have been the cry of my heart for the past couple of months because of a certain situation that I've been watching unfold. And while for a long time it seemed like the situation was covered in darkness, I am now seeing cracks of light break through into the darkness.

So I wait in faith and I trust that one day very soon the darkness that fell like a blanket will disappear completely. Not because of anything I've said or done. But because while an army of believers have been on their knees praying, the hound of Heaven has been leaving the 99 to pursue the one who is lost.

And I trust that one day soon that lost sheep is going to be found.

MAD Media & Design

For the past couple of years I've learned quite a bit about creating websites. And what started off as a hobby has really taken off.

I designed a site for the MAD Christian Radio Show and from that two people saw it and asked me to make similar sites for them and it has kind of snowballed from there.

I'm currently maintaining 10 different websites and with the increased workload, I figured it was about time I set up a website for myself. After all, what looks worse than a web design business that doesn't have its own website?

So I've launched a site under the name "MAD Media & Design". MAD being in tribute to the MAD Christian Radio Show. You can check out the new site at www.madmediadesign.ca.

Longing

Today I felt a longing I haven't felt in months. I want to go back to school. I miss it.

I miss completing assignments. Learning all kinds of neat stuff. And being in that kind of environment.

Don't get me wrong- I love my job and I wouldn't stop it for anything. But if things were back to normal with my health, I could have the best of both worlds. Work on finish my schooling and work part-time, like I was doing before the summer. After all, the last time I checked there isn't a huge demand for people who have 3/4 of a degree.

Actually, maybe it isn't the school that I'm missing the most right now. Maybe what I'm missing most is what 'normal' used to be.

Getting up early. Driving my siblings to work. Picking up a cup of steaming hot coffee. Stopping in at the gym. Putting in a full day of school work and a couple hours of work work in the evenings. Going out with friends. Taking part in sports. Having hobbies. Experiencing restful nights and fruitful days.

Life has changed and with that change has come a 'new normal'. And maybe not having school is only a small part of the equation. Because the longer this goes on the more the 'new normal' starts to look just like the 'normal' and that can be a hard thing to swallow sometimes.

Is it wrong to so greatly desire something that you used to have? I don't know. But I do know that what I don't have here is temporary and truly, I could be a lot worse off. I know that and I'm grateful. I also know that those who are 'missing something' are often the ones who end up with the most in the end, just not in the ways they thought.

Tonight I'm comforted by the words of Rob Lacey as he interpreted the beatitudes:

"I'll tell you who'll laugh the last: the people who don't think to much of themselves, who know they're a mess- their ticket to heaven's already in the post (first class).

Who'll be happy? The people who know about grief, who don't shove the mess behind the sofa, but face it- God himself is going to put his arm around them.

Who'll be content? The modest, gentle types, who don't go round grabbing- they'll be given the world.

Who'll be laughing? The people who only want to do the right thing, like it's their food and drink- their 'good news in tray' will be piled high.

Who'll be laughing? The people who don't hold grudges, who forgive and forget- they'll get treated likewise.

Who's laughing, deep down, already? The people who aren't polluted with stuff that mugs the heart- they'll get to see God.

Who's laughing, deep down? The people who stop fights and start friends, who turn fists into high fives- they'll get known as God's children.

Who's laughing? The people who get slapped down for doing the right thing- they get given the security code to heaven's gates."

Things I Want To Do

When I was younger I made a list of things that I want to do while I'm alive. Over the years, I've been able to cross some items off my list. But I've also added more.

So here is my list. Any suggestions? What do you want to do throughout your lifetime?

Things I Want To Do
*items in bold have been crossed off. Although for most, I wouldn't mind doing them again :)

-Travel to: Chicago, Nashville, Colorado, California, Europe (Holland, Switzerland, Italy), Cayman Islands, Panama, Israel, East Coast of Canada, Washington DC, South Carolina
-Set foot on an aircraft carrier
-Go on a missions trip
-Get my boating licence
-Learn how to ride a horse
-Write a book
-Ride in a helicopter
-Take an extended road trip or train trip on my own
-See U2 in concert
-Work in Christian radio
-Go white water rafting
-Go to GMA Week
-See an NHL hockey game
-Be an extra in a movie/tv show
-See a baseball game at Wrigley Field
-Get a hole-in-one
-set foot in all of the Great Lakes
-Complete an Incredible Adventure
-Go whale watching
-Learn how to fly a plane
-Ride a camel
-Go rock climbing
-Learn how to take really good pictures
-Open my own business
-Drive a BMW
-See an article of mine in a big magazine
-See a musical
-Visit an art museum
-Drive a motorcycle
-Master digital video and audio editing

Paradox of Faith

Do you ever feel like faith can be a huge paradox sometimes? That's the way I feel right now. It's not that I don't trust God, it's just that I don't know how to act based on that trust.

I have been praying for something for over a year now. There is a situation that needs God's intervention but the people involved seem to be ignoring His leading every chance they get. So as a bystander who really cares about the people involved, what do I do?

Does moving towards acceptance mean that suddenly I'm more passive in my prayers? Or is there a way to to accept what's happening while still 'storming the gates of heaven' for change?

I'm not sure. As hard as I try, accepting the situation 'as is' seems all too close to giving up faith that it would change. But at the same time I don't want to live at odds with reality.

Thus the paradox.

Depressing Math

I was bored the other night and so I decided it would be 'fun' to figure out how much television I've watched over the past year. Big mistake.

It's not an exact number, but it's pretty close. With my insomnia being so bad, in the later hours of the night, I've turned to television. Because I have a hard time reading now (I have ADD like symptoms from sleep deprivation), I watch an average of four hours of TV a night. So...

4 hours x 365 days
=1460 hours of TV in one year

That's 60.8 days gone to TV in one year.

It's depressing. First off, because I've always been careful about limiting my TV consumption and can't stand wasting time. And secondly, because there are so many other things I'd rather be doing with my time. But at 3 am, there's not much else to do.

The only 'plus' to these stats, is that where the average person sleeps 8 hours a night, over the past year I slept around 3-4 hours a night (never thought I'd see that as a plus!). So in effect, I've substituted TV for sleep. Not intentionally, but it times out right.

And I wish I could say I see an easy solution of how to change this trend, but there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't focus on books. I can't go out and do something physical at that hour. And I'm not supposed to work or do other activities that could be seen as 'stimulating'.

So for now it's just me and my TV family* consisting of Jonas, Nora, Eric, Lucas, Barbara Jean, Harm, Don, Sydney, Emily, and Sophia.

*A prize for anyone who can guess at least 8 of the 10 references.

Ladies Retreat 08

So as mentioned in the previous post, this weekend was the ladies Christian retreat and as always, it was such a good weekend.

The topic that the speaker was speaking on was prayer. Not just surface "you should pray more" messages, but real talks about prayer. Its history, its place in our lives, and its power. I don't think I've ever heard a speaker be so real about the subject of prayer and the disappointments that can come when our prayers don't seem to be answered. Some interesting points brought up by the speaker:

-In the New Testament, prayer is spoken of more often than any other activity in the church.
-Just because you don't see an answer to your prayer, don't be fooled into thinking that there isn't one. Prayers are operative until the time is right and they are complete.
-God reveals Himself as He walks with us in the bitterness and pain of life. How do you ever know the God of Comfort if you've never shed a tear?
-a spiritual life is a lifelong process of opening ourselves to God. We need to make room for Him in our lives.

I walked away with a lot to chew on and I've been challenged to start making more room in my life for God. Even by taking more times of silence. Too often I think I cut the "listening" part of the relationship off and that's something that has to be changed.

On Saturday I ended up delivering the workshop to the teens and it went really well. A huge thanks to everyone who prayed, it was pretty amazing! Beforehand I was a little worried about my energy level for delivering such a workshop since I was pretty wiped out. And being "on my game" for an hour and a half straight hasn't happened in over a year. That was until Saturday.

A few minutes before the workshop started I felt pumped full of energy. If I were to ever down a Red Bull, I imagine it would feel something like what I felt on Saturday. I was able to thrive through the whole workshop and actually remember the points I was trying to make- bonus! And then after the last girl left the room it felt like I was a balloon that was starting to deflate.

While I was disappointed that the energy high didn't last, I was very thankful for it. I haven't felt that good in over a year and a half. So I know it came from God and I know that He gave it because He wanted to use what was said to reach the teens who showed up. And I'm just very thankful that I was able to be a small part of that.

So thank you for praying. While the speaker spoke all weekend on the power of it, I got to witness it firsthand on Saturday afternoon and it's something that I'm not going to forget, no matter how tired I get :)

Retreat

After nearly two months of getting ready for it, the Ladies Retreat is this weekend!

While twice over the past couple of years I gave a five minute talk to the teens, this year I'm going to be doing a complete workshop on Saturday afternoon. And I'm really looking forward to it.

It's called:

God Wants To Use You
Through Your Past, In Your Present, For Your Future

So if you could spare a prayer or two, I would really love to be covered in prayer for the workshop. Things you could pray for:

-that those who attend would be impacted by what we talk about
-that it would only be God speaking, not me
-and that God would give me strength and clarity. Because I'm so sleep deprived I sometimes struggle with expressing my thoughts clearly and my memory isn't the greatest. So I'm going to have to be counting on Him 110%. Which I guess is the way it should be after all!

I don't know how much blogging I'll have a chance to do over the weekend, but I promise a full report once the retreat is done.

Blessings.

Reaching Across The Globe

Ever since I've been quite young I've heard about the crisis' taking place around the world. For many years it seemed unimaginable to think that people exist who don't have clean drinking water or enough money to feed their children. And for far too long I turned a blind eye to the suffering because I couldn't figure out what I, a person living so far away from them, could do about it.

But a few years ago I was connected with an organization that could allow someone like me to actually make a difference. And that organization is Compassion International.

Through Compassion my family and I get to sponsor a six year old boy named Manuel who lives in Mexico. While $32 a month doesn't go that far here, for Manuel it has made the world of difference. It helps him and his family have what they need to survive and thrive. He can go to school. His medical needs are covered. And he gets the opportunity to learn about Jesus.

And Compassion has not only changed his life, it's changed mine too. A few months ago I received a letter from Manuel. Before the letter was over, he asked me "do you know that God died for you?"

That's a statement coming from a six year old child. A six year old child who probably find a long list of things to worry about. But his concern is that I know that God loves me so much that He died for me. God is doing something in that young child's life.

And He's doing something in mine. It usually takes a lot to move me to tears. But more than once I have cried after reading Manuel's letters. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, for the privilege of being connected to this young boy. It's been a life-changing experience to say the least.